this is terribly important. this is the damage we often don't see in ourselves: the coarsening of spirit, the immediate escalation of our defenses from 0 to 100. and there's no easy manual for healing that damage; maybe we can't do that healing for ourselves https://twitter.com/communoah/status/1356457459502755840

there's a moment in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader that's always stuck with me. eustace, the insufferable jackass character, has been turned into a dragon, and aslan the great lion offers to turn him back into a boy. he has to shed the dragon skin. he can't get it off himself

he digs in his deepest and it only comes off one layer at a time. so aslan tells him he'll help, but it's going to hurt. and the great lion digs in his claws and RIPS at this thing that's become a part of eustace, this thing that's grown on him and grown into him

and the pain is unspeakable and he doesn't think he'll survive it, because this wrongness that's become part of him is being ripped away. but he does, and he's tender and delicate at first, but he's able to heal properly this time, to full and healthy humanity

that's what it's like. getting rid of a trauma response isn't pleasant at first. it's painful and scary, because you lose something that grew into you to help you cope. but it's not supposed to be there, and it keeps us from living fully human lives

and the ability to show compassion isn't weakness: it's a thing we're able to do when we're strong and thriving. it's something many of us can't do, because we're hurt and weak and relying on learned responses to cover that weakness

but if we can uncover that weakness and let ourselves be weak and cared for until we heal properly...then perhaps we gain the strength to be compassionate and forgiving and loving toward our enemies, in the way we were made to be