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Since there's been a lot of fake doms popping out left & right recently (from arm*e h*mmer to Twitter doms), so here's a list of red flags to look out for with doms 
1. Control.
Sure, there's elements of control in BDSM & D/S, but that's different. If both people decide that they want to engage in orgasm control or the sub asks permission before doing things, that's one thing. It's consensual & agreed upon by both parties. Red flag control +
Sure, there's elements of control in BDSM & D/S, but that's different. If both people decide that they want to engage in orgasm control or the sub asks permission before doing things, that's one thing. It's consensual & agreed upon by both parties. Red flag control +
is the opposite. The sub's privacy may be infringed upon, the dom wants the sub to ONLY talk to/rely on them. &/or the dom makes the sub fall out of contact with their friends & family.
2. Manipulation.
This one isn't always easy to see, but it does & can go hand in hand ++
2. Manipulation.
This one isn't always easy to see, but it does & can go hand in hand ++
+ with control. Please be aware of a dom saying things like "no one else will xxxxx you but me," or along those lines. Manipulation can also be coercion. If anything makes you uncomfortable & your dom keeps pushing or makes you feel bad about saying no, they're manipulating you +
+so that their selfish needs are met. A real dominant will stop at the first "no," or "I'm not sure/comfortable/ready,"
3. Respect.
Easiest way to spot a fake dom is if they expect all the respect but do not respect their sub. This is entirely different from degradation & ++
3. Respect.
Easiest way to spot a fake dom is if they expect all the respect but do not respect their sub. This is entirely different from degradation & ++
humiliation. Again, something like that is mutually consented upon. If a dominant seems to only respect you when it's sexual/fulfills their needs, GET OUT OF THERE.
4. Self Control.
A dominant with no self control is just .. the equivalent of jumping into shark infested ++
4. Self Control.
A dominant with no self control is just .. the equivalent of jumping into shark infested ++
waters with an open wound. If someone can't control themselves, why would you trust them with potentially dangerous sexual acts?
5. The "Know it All,"
Like most things, BDSM is complex & things within it change. If you come into contact with a Dom who "knows everything," & ++
5. The "Know it All,"
Like most things, BDSM is complex & things within it change. If you come into contact with a Dom who "knows everything," & ++
won't bother to take more classes, RUN. Coming into contact with a Dom who may be well versed in a specific kink but who knows that they still have a lot to learn is a green flag. Arrogance is a hard limit.
6. Entitlement.
There's lots of doms who feel entitled to their subs ++
6. Entitlement.
There's lots of doms who feel entitled to their subs ++
which UNLESS they're in a deep M/S relationship dynamic, is not good. Actually, even in an extremely deep dynamic like that, a good dominant still checks in with their sub. A dominant who is entitled is selfish & most likely doesn't care about their sub's needs. Which brings us +
to the 7th red flag: selfishness.
If a dominant doesn't care about their sub's needs (emotionally, sexually, mentally, etc.), they're definitely someone you're gonna wanna stay away from. When a need of any kind is brought up, it's to be understood, respected & given to the ++
If a dominant doesn't care about their sub's needs (emotionally, sexually, mentally, etc.), they're definitely someone you're gonna wanna stay away from. When a need of any kind is brought up, it's to be understood, respected & given to the ++
person who asked for said need to be met. If it's clearly ignored, leave. That person clearly doesn't care to care about another person.
8. Empathy (& lack of)
Short & sweet, this one goes with number 7. If someone lacks empathy, how can you expect them to care for you & your +
8. Empathy (& lack of)
Short & sweet, this one goes with number 7. If someone lacks empathy, how can you expect them to care for you & your +
needs?
9. Responsibility
Last one for now. A responsible dominant knows that in a relationship & dynamic, they are thinking about & caring about another person's wellbeing as well as their own. Like the last few red flags, if a dom doesn't care about their sub's wellbeing & ++
9. Responsibility
Last one for now. A responsible dominant knows that in a relationship & dynamic, they are thinking about & caring about another person's wellbeing as well as their own. Like the last few red flags, if a dom doesn't care about their sub's wellbeing & ++
or their needs, that's a red flag. The last few definitely tie in together, but when one takes the title of dominant, it should be because they can care for themselves & can safely care for another person.
Ultimately, think of it like finding a healthy partner/rship. What are ++
Ultimately, think of it like finding a healthy partner/rship. What are ++
you not willing to put up with & what are your green flags?
Deal breakers in vanilla rships are more often than not also some of these red flags.
So please be careful & use discernment when getting to know someone who is a D-type
Deal breakers in vanilla rships are more often than not also some of these red flags.
So please be careful & use discernment when getting to know someone who is a D-type
