As a survivor of partner violence by someone who kind of blew up and got a large following after the fact, it’s important (albeit unfortunate) to understand that people denying or making excuses for what he did, aren’t saying “fuck you” to me. They’ve got him on a pedestal.

Their admiration of him or his work, caused them to take him or that work as a part of themselves. A part of their identity. And to say he is a fucking monster (which he is), is to ask them to accept that they were wrong about him. It makes them fear that maybe THEY are bad

In their mind it is a lot easier for them to make excuses for them, say I’m lying, or try to “separate the art from the artist” and remain in a neutral state. Then they don’t have to give up anything and can still benefit from what he or his art brought to their lives

I will never forgive him. And I don’t have to. Do not ever demand that a victim “forgive” an abuser.

That being said... I realized that the people I truly wanted to forgive, were his enablers. His fans, friends and family.

I had to understand & forgive why they’d stand by him

I realized that their allegiance to him was not about me. It wasn’t even really about HIM. It was about THEM. It was about their fear surrounding what their love for him, said about them.

And that is something I deeply understand. I loved him while he brutally raped & abused me

To forgive that in them, was to forgive that in myself too.

All of us were deceived. Some of them still have not realized it. I can distrust them for that, justifiably, but I can’t vilify them for it.

I did it too. I did it the most. I almost married him. And I forgive myself