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In our culture, there is an overwhelming sentiment that folks who have bad opinions cannot be changed. They must be castigated, condemned, and cut-off from public life. They are irrational, irreconcilable, and irreformable. It is good to call out racism, misogyny, +hate, but, 1/9
People do change. These are my grandparents. They grew up and lived their entire lives in rural North Carolina. My Grandfather was a Southern Baptist Minister, and they moved when he'd get a new commission from boards of deacons to preach. They were racist. Not overtly... 2/9
It was considered ungenteel to use slurs and the like. Yet they surely believed in racial hierarchy, and their congregants included KKK folks. When my mother began dating my father, she kept it secret from them. So when they wed, they were not informed. When they found out.. 3/9
They were hurt and furious. My mother was disowned. If the deacons found out, my grandparents would have lost their livelihood. Fortunately, my great-grandmother-our saint-intervened. The disowning was revoked. But relations were palpably icy... 4/9
As my grandparents got to know my dad, they fell in love with him. Their other daughters had several failed marriages with white men who mistreated them, but my dad truly loved my mom. By the time I was born, 10 years later, I had no clue that there had been any ill will... 5/9
All that I felt was love. My grandparents changed by falling in love with my dad, my brother, and me. Years later when I was converting, my grandfather objected. He would accept Catholic belief, though, if I could find it in the Bible. Thus, he taught me to love scripture... 6/9
When I converted he gave his blessing. He later wrote the letter testifying that he had baptized my mother when she converted. My grandmother even went to mass with me, AND she voted for Obama. After both died, as we went through their papers, we found... 7/9
That they had saved every single card my father had ever written to them. And those cards were worn down, from rereading. Imagine if we had just cancelled one another: both my grandparents + my folks and I would have lost to chance to grow, to expand, and to become holier... 8/9
Love expanded their hearts. It has an amazing ability to do that. First-wide enough to love Black folks, second-wide enough to love Catholic folks, third-wide enough to love Democrats. God is love. Only God can heal our divisions. The solution, then, is only: Love. 9/9
