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hey ya'll. first - I love each and every one of you. tonight it may not feel like it, especially with what I have to say.
if you're cis you have no voice in this discussion with the possible exception of someone who works with trans patients, but even then...be prudent
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if you're cis you have no voice in this discussion with the possible exception of someone who works with trans patients, but even then...be prudent
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the first thing is that this space *must* be safe. with COVID separating us from loved ones, UK/US transphobes leading global anti-trans sentiment, and our very safety and lives constantly being in jeapordy, the trans Twitter community has to be a place where new or cracking
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trans bbs can come to feel love and support as they struggle through new steps, and established trans can celebrate their joys and commiserate their pains because they may not have anyone other than us.
ALL trans belong here and should feel that love
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ALL trans belong here and should feel that love
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the second thing is that none of us are perfect. not even you. not even me. every single one of us is going to say or do the wrong thing at some time.
it's ok. it's safe to make mistakes here, because we love *you*, not what you *do*
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it's ok. it's safe to make mistakes here, because we love *you*, not what you *do*
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the third thing is that the *only* common thread through all of our trans journeys is:
growth
we are all changing and growing and evolving our understanding of:
- our self
- our possibilities
- our needs, wants, and desires
- our place in the universe
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growth
we are all changing and growing and evolving our understanding of:
- our self
- our possibilities
- our needs, wants, and desires
- our place in the universe
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so as we're on this journey together, keep in mind that our goals of safety and personal growth can at times appear at odds, and we're faced with a chilling question:
how do we tell a mistake from a threat?
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how do we tell a mistake from a threat?
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this question is terrifying enough when asked about cis. it's beyond nightmarish when asked about trans. we have to protect this community and it's members - so how do we know if it's a member that needs protecting or a member that the community needs protection from?
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in a community almost entirely peopled by trauma survivors, that question will almost always trigger a trauma response. I'm not a mental health professional, so my claim is based on my personal experience and observation of the community and is how the math works out for me
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the important part is that there are examples, both in and out of our community, of how to tackle this pointed and dangerous question. I'm not going to cite specific sources or references, but instead try to summarize what I, personally, believe and have learned
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this is entirely my own beliefs and conclusions and so they're subject to flaws because of the second thing I mentioned. if you disagree, let's talk about it
to start let's define an Action as the "thing" that a Person did that is harmful to the trans community
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to start let's define an Action as the "thing" that a Person did that is harmful to the trans community
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I believe that we have to listen to our own history, written and verbal, to find out what the threats to our safety have been (listen to experienced trans)
this is not to say they know ALL the threats, but that if they've faced one - don't tell them it's _not_ one
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this is not to say they know ALL the threats, but that if they've faced one - don't tell them it's _not_ one
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the first thing to accept is that we cannot ever *know* whether the Person did the Action with intent. we may suspect, believe, and have whatever proof you want, but we just cannot know - any more than someone can know someone _else_ is cis or trans.
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so we have to give the "benefit of the doubt" - accepting that one Action, even meant as an attack, is not enough to cause long term damage to us or our community. fortunately we have been around long enough and are large enough for this to be true now - it wasn't always
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as a result, we treat it like a mistake - ESPECIALLY if it comes from a member of our community - and with any mistake a loved one makes, you do your best to love, support, and provide guidance
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while we consider each other family, none of us are each others moms unless asked - so be mindful of boundaries
generally there is a short list of outcomes, most of which are straight forward resolutions and in the interests of time- they either change behavior or don't
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generally there is a short list of outcomes, most of which are straight forward resolutions and in the interests of time- they either change behavior or don't
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if they do, awesome. everyone can hug (or whatever consensual celebration is appropriate) and life goes on
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if they don't, this is where things suck because it's a pattern of both good and ill intent. some mistakes will get made more than once. there's even an old joke about how you make a mistake multiple times to be sure you get it right
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but at some point, whether it's good intent or not, there is harm being done. at this point we have to protect the community for the eggs.
we've all been treated as unreliable at many points in our lives, so to question any one else's reliability is painful.
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we've all been treated as unreliable at many points in our lives, so to question any one else's reliability is painful.
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but sometimes, it will have to be done.
no one likes it.
no one wants it.
no. one. enjoys. it.
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no one likes it.
no one wants it.
no. one. enjoys. it.
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so, if you see anyone else doing it: Stop. Think.
a) this not the first, second, or even third time
b) this something that was tried in private already
c) this is not being done for anyone's enjoyment
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a) this not the first, second, or even third time
b) this something that was tried in private already
c) this is not being done for anyone's enjoyment
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I really do love each and every one of you and it breaks my heart when ANY of you hurt. hopefully you can see that. hopefully you can see that we're people who have thoughts and fears and hopes behind the things we do.
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hell, this thread itself could be a mistake
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