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I've always had a "first lesson" I teach my cubs, because it usually comes up pretty quickly in a new dad/cub relationship. A large portion of furs in this generation have been raised with the horrible and utterly false view that they are not equal and worthy... 1/
, and one of the ways that expresses itself is to feel sorry for any small inconvenience they think they have caused. The first time one of my cubs says an unnecessary apology, I ask them if I can teach them something. Here is that lesson. 2/
It's about the importance of turning sorry statements into thank you statements.
When you apologize for something unnecessarily, saying things like "sorry you had to help me" or "sorry for asking so many questions," a lot of tiny bad things occur. 3/
When you apologize for something unnecessarily, saying things like "sorry you had to help me" or "sorry for asking so many questions," a lot of tiny bad things occur. 3/
1) You are putting a burden on the listener, of accepting your apology and relieving your worry.
2) You are reinforcing the idea that you are less valuable then they.
3) Your subconscious tries to get attention and sympathy in an unhealthy way.
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2) You are reinforcing the idea that you are less valuable then they.
3) Your subconscious tries to get attention and sympathy in an unhealthy way.
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Saying sorry too often or for things that don't require an apology is something that so many people do, and it keeps them from feeling of confidence that everyone deserves to have. Fortunately, this easy to overcome. 5/
Any time you want to use a sorry statement, think about how to express the same emotion with a thank you instead.
Instead of "sorry for asking so many questions," say "thank you for being so patient"
Instead of "sorry I'm dumb," say "thank you for helping me to learn" 6/
Instead of "sorry for asking so many questions," say "thank you for being so patient"
Instead of "sorry I'm dumb," say "thank you for helping me to learn" 6/
Instead of "sorry for not responding sooner," say "thank you for waiting for me"
Thank you statements have the same key result as sorry statements; to express your feelings about a particular thing. But instead of tiny bad things, thank you's make a lot of tiny things GOOD... 7/
Thank you statements have the same key result as sorry statements; to express your feelings about a particular thing. But instead of tiny bad things, thank you's make a lot of tiny things GOOD... 7/
things happen.
1) It makes it so the listener is not pressured to forgive something that requires no forgiveness.
2) It makes the listener feel like you are someone who understands their value, instead of possibly feeling like you think you are below them.
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1) It makes it so the listener is not pressured to forgive something that requires no forgiveness.
2) It makes the listener feel like you are someone who understands their value, instead of possibly feeling like you think you are below them.
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3) It makes you feel more confident because of the attitude of being thankful, it is the same root feeling as mindfulness.
4) It eliminates an opportunity your mind has to make you feel unworthy of love, and replaces it with positive reinforcement instead.
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4) It eliminates an opportunity your mind has to make you feel unworthy of love, and replaces it with positive reinforcement instead.
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5) It makes you feel more in control of your part of the conversation.
Another important thing is that you apply this all the time. It nicely works out that if you are in a situation where an apology really is necessary, you won't be able to find a thank you statement that.. 10/
Another important thing is that you apply this all the time. It nicely works out that if you are in a situation where an apology really is necessary, you won't be able to find a thank you statement that.. 10/
feels right. There is no "thank you for being chill about me destroying your favorite baseball card."
If you think you might do this, I would like you to think about a time in the recent past where you said sorry for something, and come up with a thank you statement instead. 11/
If you think you might do this, I would like you to think about a time in the recent past where you said sorry for something, and come up with a thank you statement instead. 11/
If you feel comfortable, post it to show everyone. You are all amazing people, and this is a good step for people who don't know that yet, to move toward that realization. I love you!
