the government put $200 billion in Australians pockets so that money needs to be spent to create jobs because the money belongs in Australians pockets.
This man purports to have some kind of economics degree.
#NPC

short courses. Roads. “Investing and partnering and technology”.
This is what passes for Liberal and National Party vision.
#NPC

Morrison just claimed credit for lower emissions during a global pandemic and closed borders to his government.

federal frunding. The road brack. Holestipuls. Menalhealth.
I am not kidding. Journalists constantly clean up his stumbling gurgle but it is seriously sloppy speech.

COVID has strengthened his commitment to menalhealth and suicide prevention says the msn whose policies create mental health conditions and worsen suicide rates.

this is a fucking shopping list. #NPC

he is confident that Aust-US alliance will grow stronger with the Biden administration, says Morrison, citing the hundreds of billions of our dollars he has committed to their killing machines. #NPC

“our Peoples have benefited both ways” says Morrison on China. Things have changed and adapting to that starts with dialogue, he claims. Australia is open to such a process [of Chinese ministers picking up the phone when Dan calls]. #NPC

banging on about the billions his government has wasted on anti-terror measures and national security. No word on stopping nazis #NPC

“and finally, caring for our country”, he says, putting First Peoples last is the white msn tradition. A token sentence on Caring for Country and back to the Morrison government “policy” shopping list. #NPC

obligatory naturalisation of climate catastrophe events. #NPC

“the ocean supports almost 4,000 jobs in Australia” - actual way Scott Morrison talks, and thinks. #NPC

obligatory stump speech wrap: we are great, we have more to do, Straya Strayan Strayans, continue to, strong, once again, other side. The time machine is working overtime today. #NPC

asked about reining in the dangerous misinformation spread by meme RTs of his government, the prime minister takes a cheap shot at Laura Tingle and her colleagues obediently chortle appreciatively with him at her expense. #NPC

the jobs market is very strongly and still has a long way to go, says Morrison. You know like they were bringing the budget back into balance.

He then ties himself in knots by accidentally giving the game away on how the Liberals have gutted skills and training institutions. Quickly segues to blaming unemployed people for not “being where the jobs are”. Phew that was close. #NPC

asked about establishing federal quarantine facilities, Morrison flicks to international “strains”. You don’t know what you don’t know, he says. #NPC

then an even worse fuck up. “The idea that you can replicate a border protection failure detention network like the previous government” he says, and then catches himself and backtracks. This was on quarantine. Clearly the brain went to Christmas Island and the mouth followed.

Probyn asks about net zero by 2050. Morrison says he’ll tell us how to get there and instead pulls a tax boogieman out of his hat on what he will not do. He skips the bit about emissions tanking when a global pandemic grounded airline fleets all over the world.

lmao Morrison then says that no new taxes means *not* higher electricity prices which every householder in the land knows is a whopping lie. He then says the person in charge of emissions has spent a lifetime working on new technologies. Who, Angus? Is he fucking serious? #NPC

you can’t go around abusing people and carrying on like people do, says Morrison, who rode into his current job on a wave of misogynist bullying so severe and so obvious that even the press gallery noticed #NPC

Coorey puts some kind of fantasy scenario about careful stewardship of the economy, and Morrison starts screaming about a carbon tax and raising the GST. Out of nowhere. Very triggered. #NPC

Riley asks what Morrison will do about corporations taking billions of public money and funnelling it to CEO bonuses. Morrison calls this “politics of envy” and then slaps a sympathy card on the table. The pandemic was very hard for him, and Frydenberg. #NPC

fuck all, is the reply, on corporations CEOs enriching themselves with public money. Because we passed a law through the poorlament, he says. Another dead set giveaway malapropism. He’s springing leaks all over the place here. #NPC

I think the bigger tell here, other than his constant mangling of basic English words, is how he namedrops colleagues into his answers. It’s a kind of forced collusion without consent of the colludee.

PvO: what have you learned about leadership?
Morrison: “listen”.
He has “always” tried to listen, he lies. A slew of man names get the collusion treatment. Scotty. Keith. His campaign trip to Queensland was “listening”, he lies. The south coast AHA member gets another mention.

Katharine Murphy asks about science informing climate policy.
Morrison uses his script as a prop while he “thinks” about whether he said “science and” technology.
Presumably he didn’t, because now he is shouting, about technology this time. Climate policy freaks him OUT.

does Australia have a problem with racism prime minister?
I’ll give you a personal view, says Morrison, and then says the Liberal Party room supported closing the gap at the time (of the Apology in 2008, a motion I am pretty sure Morrison abstained from).

“Australia is a country that I believe that I know is the most successful multicultural immigration country” says Morrison, forgetting that it was Turnbull who used multicultural and himself who switched it to migrant to appease Dutton, who, like Turnbull, hates his guts. #NPC

asked about the Myanmar military and Aung San Suu Kyi - Australia shares military training resources with the Myanmar military - Morrison says when he was there he found the Myanmarese people to be beautiful and peaceful and “I hope” he says ie straight up orientalism #NPC

and having leveraged racialised peoples - in a country oppressed by military rule that we enable - to put a phoney image of “hope” into his image-making machine, he fucks off.
#NPC

the humourless dig at Laura Tingle which nevertheless prompted great chortling because the room was packed with those types who *always* laugh heartily when the boss tries and fails to be funny.

In 35 years watching Australian politics I have never seen John Howard, Tony Abbott, Malcolm Turnbull or Scott Morrison say something wittily that elicits spontaneous, genuine laughter. Forced laughter, yes. But never, ever the real thing. Not once.