Thread by @nihidea_art, Friendly reminder that Yuuri is wearing a Team Japan jacket when he [...]

Friendly reminder that Yuuri is wearing a Team Japan jacket when he first sees Victor. Friendly reminder that Yuuri was evidently already competing nationally at this point.
Yuuri did not "start skating" because of Victor. Yuuri did not "get serious about skating" because 1/40

of Victor. There is a chance I guess that Yuuri picked skating over ballet bc of Victor, but from my absolutely non-professional perspective, it seems unlikely that Yuuri will have been able to keep up with school and both ballet and skating at that level at such a young age 2/40

So I suspect that he already prioritised skating over ballet before that. Now, I am not trying to downplay Victor’s influence on Yuuri’s life and skating, but I do want to emphasise that Yuuri had the drive, passion and skill to succeed in skating on his own, before he even 3/40

knew about Victor. Ofc Victor gave him something to strive for, someone to emulate and to admire. Ofc Victor’s coaching helped Yuuri achieve new heights, but as the show itself states, what Victor mostly does to help Yuuri is boost his confidence. Bc we know that Yuuri had 4/40

the skills to win all along. Victor did not *make* Yuuri into a good skater. Yuuri was always an excellent skater, Victor just helped him see that. Beyond that, Victor did not do much technical coaching (not least bc he probably doesn’t know how, as I recently discussed 5/40

with @zombubble but that’s a different conversation) Now, ofc you can bring up quads. You can say that Yuuri would never have gotten were he is if Victor and Yuri hadn’t taught him more quads. To that I would like to point out the 2019 GPF, where Kevin Ay/moz with his single 6/40

quad, the toe loop, beat out Alexander Sama/rin, Jin Bo/yang and Dmitri Ali/ev, all of whom have multiple, if not all quads, for bronze. Why? Because he skated (mostly) clean, and gets excellent PCS. So yes, I think that Yuuri, if he was confident in himself and could skate 7/40

in competition the way he skates in practice, could absolutely compete with the best of them, even without additional quads. The point I’m trying to make is I resent the implication that I sometimes stumble across in fanfiction, meta and the like, that a) Yuuri wouldn’t be 8/40

skating at all if it weren’t for Victor, b) Yuuri’s skating would never have gone anywhere without Victor and c) that Yuuri would have always stayed a “mediocre” skater if Victor hadn’t become his coach (as if Yuuri was ever a mediocre skater to begin with. I am still 9/40

sometimes baffled by how many people actually believe when Yuuri says he’s a dime-a-dozen skater. But again, another conversation). The whole thing feels just so devaluing to Yuuri’s career, does not at all acknowledge all the incredibly hard work Yuuri has put into skating 10/40

all his determination and ambition and, yes, his talent, no matter what Yuuko says. No matter Victor’s “spell to turn a little piggy into a prince”. Yuuri never needed to be “transformed” into a good skater. He didn’t need to be taught how to skate. He already knew how to 11/40

skate incredibly well. On a level with Victor, even without the quads. He just needed to find out how to do it in competition, too. This is why I resent the implication that all Yuuri achieves is “only” Victor’s doing. That they are not Yuuri’s achievements but Victor’s. 12/40

Of course Victor, despite his cluelessness about coaching, did an incredibly quick and thorough job of helping Yuuri find confidence in himself. I do think that Yuuri would likely not have gotten there, or not soon, if he had stayed with Celestino. But I refuse to believe 13/40

that being coached (and loved) by Victor was the only way he could get there. As many people have said before me, he needed someone who believed in him and pushed him rather than coddling him.

And this brings me to my second point. 14/40

We all know what the main problem is that stands in the way of Yuuri and his confidence: his anxiety.
Now, I know I have written it differently before in fanfic, but I am a firm believer that canon Yuuri has never received any treatment for his anxiety. No therapy and no 15/40

medication. I even think he might not even be aware he has a disorder in the medical sense. I love the kind of fanworks where he does, they’re actually some of my favourites, and of course anyone’s free to disagree with me. But that’s what I believe, and here’s why: 16/40

I’m only gonna mention the Japanese attitude to mental health briefly, bc we know YOI is not set in our reality. If there’s no homophobia then who knows, maybe there’s also no stigma abt mental health. If there is, though, I’m sure it will be a factor. Yuuri might not have 17/40

gotten much information about mental health until he came to the US, likely wouldn’t have had easy access to a therapist. Then there’s the way Yuuri refers to his “mental weakness”. In Ep. 5 he tells Victor “nothing was physically wrong with me, I was just mentally weak” 18/40

and yes, by that he could be referring to a mental illness, but I genuinely believe Yuuri doesn’t think about his “weakness” in terms of illness or disorder. He doesn’t believe he’s sick. He’s simply weak where others are strong. It’s a character flaw to him. 19/40

So if that’s what he’s convinced himself of, he would have no reason to seek any help. Not to mention that he would probably see seeking help as another sign of weakness in itself. Which gets me to my next point: I don’t think that anyone in Yuuri’s like up until Victor, 20/40

knows the full extent of what's going on in Yuuri’s mind. We talk a lot about how expressive Yuuri is and how he wears his heart on his sleeve but… does he? Yes, his emotions are portrayed as very intense throughout the show, but most of the time these emotions are 21/40

surprise, shock, and lots and lots of embarrassment. The really dark, difficult moments, though? These he suffers silently, enacts them on his own (or, on one memorable occasion, with Victor). This is where the side of Yuuri that is guarded and reserved comes out. 22/40

He is protective of his feelings. He says so himself: he doesn’t like it when they’re intruded upon. He doesn’t want others to see his weakness. So he pretends. And as far as we can tell, successfully: the only insights that we get from the Katsukis, the Nishigoris 23/40

and Minako, is that he gets nervous (and they’ve seen him looking nervous often), that he has a hard time letting people in, that he prefers to keep to himself. There’s no hint of them knowing anything more than this, and I believe neither does Celestino, or even Phichit. 24/40

Yuuri doesn’t want to disappoint those around him, so he keeps his “weakness” to himself.
Let’s take a look at Yuuri’s most intense (negative) emotions throughout the series. There’s a few that come to mind, first and foremost ofc his breakdown at the GPF in Sochi. 25/40

There's a reason why Yuuri retreated into a deserted bathroom stall in order to have that conversation. There's a reason why he hangs up the phone when he starts crying. There is a reason he stops crying and composes himself pretty much immediately when Yuri kicks the door. 26/40

This moment, this breakdown, this anxiety is only his own. He doesn’t want anyone to see.
Secondly of course there is the parking garage scene. And yes, Victor is around there, but that’s because a) Yuuri trusts Victor (evidenced by his “I know!” - he doesn’t for a second 27/40

believe that Victor would actually leave him), and b) the strong emotional reaction was ofc directly caused by Victor. Would Yuuri have had the same reaction if they had this conversation in the arena with other people around? Absolutely not. In this sense it is good that 28/40

they were alone, so Yuuri could let out all his emotions rather than keeping them bottled up.
Thirdly I often think of the moment when Yuuri has to skate without Victor there. That moment when the ice blurs and the noises go muted around him, which many have interpreted 29/40

to be an anxiety attack, myself included. We see this moment from Yuuri’s inside perspective, with Yuuri alone on the ice, far away from everyone watching, but what do the others see? They might be able to tell that he’s nervous, that he’s tired and distanced, even scared. 30/40

But beyond that? Yuuri keeps in his tears, he composes himself, he skates.
This is a pattern when you look at it: Yuuri’s most difficult moments when he’s around people.
At the banquet in Sochi, before he starts drinking, he is quietly miserable. Walking out of the arena 31/40

and being reminded of Vicchan, he has tears in his eyes but composes himself when he thinks someone is calling his name. When Victor first comes to Hasetsu and Yuuri doesn’t want to open up to him, he is quietly and efficiently dismissive. At the CoC before the Free Skate 32/40

he is nervous and miserable and fidgeting and distant, but he insists that he is fine and he doesn’t talk. After the free in Moscow, he seeks out comfort from others, but he is emotionless and detached as he does. After the SP in Barcelona, he watches Victor quietly 33/40

and carefully, drawing his conclusions and making his decision, quite obviously without Victor being able to tell that anything at all is wrong. Even in the Let’s end this scene, he is composed and resigned to breaking his own heart, his lack of an emotional reaction 34/40

surely contributing to Victor being all the more hurt.

As someone who has more or less successfully hidden depression and anxiety behind a veil of being quiet and reserved for well over 15 years, even from the people closest to me, this pattern is incredibly familiar. 35/40

Yuuri’s biggest fear is others seeing his weakness, being a burden and a disappointment to his loved ones. Naturally this would extend to getting help, whether or not he realises his condition.

So this is why I believe that Yuuri has never gotten help for his anxiety. 36/40

I also believe that if he had gotten help, he might have been able to overcome his confidence issues sooner. And that if Victor as his coach encourages him to get help after S1, he would continue to soar even higher.

But Yuuri is not broken and he doesn’t need to be fixed. 37/40

He is incredibly strong and incredibly skilled, and he doesn’t need to be transformed or changed to excel. Victor may be his coach, his idol, his goal and motivation. But Yuuri isn't special because of Victor. Yuuri is special on his own. That is all. 38/40

[A couple of notes at the end here: 1. All of these thoughts and theories are just my own and I’m not trying to portray them as absolute fact. They are only my interpretation, and any other interpretation is of course equally valid. 39/40

2. This is not in regard to anyone here or anything I’ve recently seen, just general thoughts about some tropes and interpretations I’ve seen around the fandom that have been simmering for a while. Thank you for reading. End of Thread!

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