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Last year I was getting ready for a handful of campus visits. Many of the academic job market workshops I attended & professors in my department had warned me about the many ways they ask women about kids, partners, etc. You know, things they're not supposed to ask... 1/
First campus visit, the department secretary called to get my info to book my flight then asked "you don't have a husband, do you?" after asking me to spell my name for her. I said, confused, "I'm traveling by myself" & she said, "oh, good". That set the tone for the interview 2/
I chose to wear my wedding band to all my interviews. The way I saw it, we were a package deal. At that same interview, a professor asked if my "husband" only spoke English & that's why I taught the Spanish class they asked me to patiently, clear & completely in Spanish. 3/
I was confused with that last question. I taught the class completely in Spanish bc it was a Spanish class (!) & I was clear and patient bc I'm good at my job. When I was driven back to the airport I was told to tell my "husband" that they could play football some professors 4/
Different campus interview: I was asked if I could just move across the country because I didn't have a family. Also casually asked during dinner if I had to call my "husband" to check-in. Also during dinner, the conversation about kids was brought up. I stayed quiet 5/
In the other interviews, the questions about my "husband" (I never shared I was married to a guy) & children were subtle & I didn't really get what they were trying to ask until after. But here is the thing, they always asked. Always! 6/
In every single academic job market workshop I attended, the topic of women academics wearing wedding bands was discussed. But we never discussed men academics wearing wedding bands. It was clear this was an issue for women even before I went on interviews.
The job I ended up accepting, was the only one I felt "safe" enough to share my family. My dept. had a young student mama as the featured student on their website & I know many of their students had kids & I could relate to that. I talked about my advocacy for student parents. 8/
I practiced wording my status as a mom as an asset to the department & university. I studied their student profiles & knew how to connect it to the university's mission. Even if it felt safe to share about my family, I had to word it in a way that would be beneficial to them 9/
I think about that often. I've been an academic mama for over a decade & somehow need to justify it, to prove that my experience is valuable. It might be because motherhood is portrayed as a burden in academia so much that even I tend to internalize those feelings. 10/
