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Neverending Story just starting on BBC1. Inexplicably-heartbreaking 80s kid film fantasy fun. Cracking theme song, too.
It opens with a forlorn conversation about a dead mum. That's how little it cares about cheering you up. The Neverending Story says this to your young, innocent heart:
It's often noted how people aged much quicker in years gone by than they do now. Gerald Mcraney is about 37 in this film:
The main baddie isn't a wizard or a dragon, it's The Nothing. They're being stalked by the absence of existence. It's like Sartre wrote a version of Labyrinth.
"If you don't want me I'm happy to go back home and hunt the purple buffalo" says Atreyu, using a euphemism I've not heard before.
Ah, sweet. Atreyu has a cute horse that he loves. So that'll be nice for him. No bad times ahead for Atreyu, just so long as he has his horse. No sirree.
"Why did we kill the horse? Because FUCK YOU, that's why" says this film.
I'd love to have been at the meeting where they read the final draft of this script.
"He's been through the desert of shattered hopes, he goes through the swamp of sadness and then his horse dies. Are you having problems at home, Wolfgang?"
*swigs from vodka bottle "FILM IT".
"He's been through the desert of shattered hopes, he goes through the swamp of sadness and then his horse dies. Are you having problems at home, Wolfgang?"
*swigs from vodka bottle "FILM IT".
A massive emo tortoise just said: "We do not care that we do not care. Die? That at least would be something". None more goth, this film. It makes The Seventh Seal look like The Care Bears Movie.
Falkor's here now. A massive, stoned pink Luck Dragon. Knowing this film, I'm expecting him to announce he has a terminal illness any moment.
The bickering magical couple are an obvious inspiration for Princess Bride's Miracle Max. He has a magic telescope that looks like an elaborate bong.
Serious prog rock album cover vibes to this. "The Desert Of The Mind by Aragorn" or something.
"Any specific requests for the Sphinx before I start making them?"
"Yes, can you give them great big boobs, please?"
"No prob-wait, what?"
"Like, properly massive ones"
"Yes, can you give them great big boobs, please?"
"No prob-wait, what?"
"Like, properly massive ones"
"They look like good, strong hands, don't they?" asks Rockbiter before saying he wants The Nothing to consume him, because this film hasn't made its audience sob for at least twenty minutes.
"We're going to build a massive glowing-eyed wolf creature thing, have him do basically nothing for the whole film & he'll get killed the first time he attacks anyone. It's not even in the top 20 weirdest decisions we'll make in this film."
"He manages to stop The Nothing from blowing up the world, obviously?"
*takes a massive hit from a makeshift pipe* "Nope, the world explodes and he goes to meet a spaced-out child in a tower on an asteroid who's wearing more makeup than an episode of Drag Race"
"Sure. Why not?"
*takes a massive hit from a makeshift pipe* "Nope, the world explodes and he goes to meet a spaced-out child in a tower on an asteroid who's wearing more makeup than an episode of Drag Race"
"Sure. Why not?"
The film finishes with Bastian having a mental breakdown and entering a dissociative fugue state where he's unable to differentiate between fantasy and reality. We're told this lasted for years. Which is a happy ending, I suppose?
Compared to the rest of it, like.
Compared to the rest of it, like.
