CW: Christian Purity culture

Growing up Christian/in purity culture, they really told us that “you wouldn’t buy an old dented used car at a new car price, but when you have sex before marriage you put dents in your car. If you keep yourself new/unused, you will be desirable.”

This is fucked up for a plethora of reasons.
1. People aren’t cars/aren’t objects.
2. Marriage shouldn’t be seen as a financial transaction (yikes).
3. Saying having sex makes you “used” implies that sex is about using other people, which is not how it should be.

4. Implying that sex is about using people, implies that a husband uses his wife for sex and eradicates consent.
5. Virginity is a construct. How many sexual partners you have doesn’t impact your worth in any way. Choosing to have consensual sex is a value-neutral decision!

We should be teaching our children and youths comprehensive sex education and informed consent. We shouldn’t be trying to mandate when/if people choose to have sex/with who. The emphasis should be on consent and respecting boundaries.

I grew up with “abstinence only” as a moral imperative. I was also taught an abstinence only sex education at a Christian school. This means that I had no actual sex education in high school or in college. Since googling sex was a sin, I didn’t even let myself google questions.

CW: Sexual Assault

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For me, that meant that I ended up in situations that I didn’t understand/didn’t know how to navigate. I also didn’t know that I could say “no.” When I said no, I didn’t know that people were supposed to listen and respect that. I had no idea!

CW: Sexual Assault

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During my first three years of college, I was sexually assaulted by 8 different people. It wasn’t even until after the 7th time that I realized these weren’t just negative experiences, they were assaults. I googled to confirm.

CW: victim blaming
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I thought this was my fault. I told trusted people at my church who didn’t say otherwise. I was made to repent. What happened to me was NOT my fault, blame lies w/ the men who assaulted me. I also rightfully place blame on the ppl who educated me.

It’s called “purity culture” for a reason because it’s a whole culture/mentality that is pervasive and harmful. Many people who lived through this have religious trauma and had to self-educate as adults with lots of trauma in between. Worse, it’s still being taught!

I see people on TikTok sharing the lies I grew up with & young women doing dances to remixed songs of “don’t have sex before marriage.”

Even if you’re a Christian, you shouldn’t be telling anyone what to do with their bodies! Instead, help teach comprehensive Sex Ed & consent.