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(CW: discussion of dysphoria/body hate) One thing that I'm so glad Abigail Thorn discussed in the new philosophytube today was the slow, creeping dysphoria. Not the really harsh, acute kind where you look in the mirror and hate it, bit the kind where you...
...look in the mirror and go "Well, they're alright I guess, but they're not me."
Where you don't wanna rip your skin off because you hate it, nothing so extreme. But you do feel it erode at you every single day. Its like a job you hate. Maybe there are good days, but...
Where you don't wanna rip your skin off because you hate it, nothing so extreme. But you do feel it erode at you every single day. Its like a job you hate. Maybe there are good days, but...
...the overall experience is just exhausting. You feel you're always tired, always so eroded away because you're playing a role all the time, and it's one you don't want. Until one day you just snap and say "I can't do it anymore." And you HAVE TO be honest w/yourself...
A lot of the time, this is where the "egg cracks". You realize who you are, the source of your discomfort, and where the pain originates. She said "It's like being in the trenches, even when you're out, getting a break, you just think about having to go back down."...
...and she put it PERFECTLY. Some trans people DO feel that acute, horrible, "I gotta get out of here" agony.
But not all of us do, and because cis people love trans pain, they patch on to THOSE stories. For the DRAMA.
And when that's all you see, you start...
But not all of us do, and because cis people love trans pain, they patch on to THOSE stories. For the DRAMA.
And when that's all you see, you start...
...to feel like if you DON'T experience that, you're not REALLY trans. Your problem is... something else.
But Abigail's experience was my experience. And it was so validating to hear. She experienced that daily erosion. So did I.
And we're no less for it.
But Abigail's experience was my experience. And it was so validating to hear. She experienced that daily erosion. So did I.
And we're no less for it.
