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Lemme preface this lil’ story with a background. I'm in the suburbs of OKC. To call this place ‘Red’ is an insult to the color. I’d never seen ‘InfoWARS’ bumper stickers before moving here, if that tells you anything. This is the reddest place in America that isn’t Wyoming. 1/13
I'm out running errands today. I generally don't do this during the plague at all if I can help it. But some big items I can't really get delivered easily mean a run to Lowe's. Fine, whatever, it's nice today, I'll get the truck washed too (it's like 60 today, so no coat) 2/13
I'd been in the store long enough to find that they were sold out of what I needed, and I was just turning to leave when I see a massive roughneck turn the corner. He sees me and he flares. (If you've never worked security or been a bouncer, this is when a bull sees a... 3/13
...red flag. Eyes go wide, nostrils flare, chest puffs, the lip curls, and you're about to have a situation on your hands, and NOT the spray-painted idiot from the New Jersey TV show). I had a moment of "oh, shit" and I start immediately tracking my way to the exit. But ... 4/13
...before I can take a step, he drops his chin and his eyes go back to the right, and sure thing: Very pregnant wife and two youts come puttering around the corner behind him. He looks back at me and I get 'The Stare'. (If you've ever gotten this, you know it instantly) 5/13
So, I calmly (on the outside) meandered off to the end of the aisle and headed for the door. But I didn't get more than a dozen steps and my inner asshole... we-eelll....
I spent the next 15 minutes calmly stalking him around the store. Every time they'd stop to get something or talk about an item, I'd happen to be 30 feet away, looking at something on my phone or asking an employee about where the truck tool boxes were located. 7/13
He was *livid*. I could see he was getting pissed off, but he wasn't saying a word with the wife there. She seemed to be unaware of my presence, & really didn't see what set him off either, though I did hear her ask him one time "what's wrong, why you looking around?" 8/13
I was running short on time, and I was thinking I had failed...and then it happened. They were looking at replacement shower enclosures and the daughter, maybe 7 years old, sees me admiring the nearby toilet tanks, examines my shirt and goes, "Mommy, what's his shirt mean?" 9/13
And she points right me. I look over at her, smile, fake surprise, and turn to show her the whole design. She likes it, as does the maybe 4 or 5 year old brother. So she starts asking her mom what it means. Dad just closed his eyes, exhaled, and turned his face upwards 10/13
For the record, this is the shirt in question. Shout out to @girldrawsghosts for the cool design on her web store. Antagonising homophobic rednecks is getting to be a fun hobby of mine out here in the Deep Red (and, this shirt is HELLA soft and comfy, even for a tshirt) 11/13
As I walked away, waving to the little girl, I heard the father mumble something and then "Oh HUSH, Kevin, lemme talk. You see, Teresa, some folks are a lil' difernt than..." 12/13
I turned the corner at that point and walked out to the truck empty handed but smiling the cat that got the canary. Even in the deepest Red, every little bit matters, even if there's a bit if an ass kicking risk involved. So that was my Saturday. How'd your Saturday go? 13/13
