I don’t want to be resilient. I am tired of overcoming odds. I want one (1) break.

I should’ve died so many times from so many different things. But sometimes it feels like I’m just alive to have another health issue, to be constricted by systems that push disabled people down and don’t value our lives.

The cumulative toll of cancer, BMT, PRES (with a seizure!), TAM (drug induced delusion!), acute GVHD (no eating or drinking for 3+ months!), surgical error (putting me intubated in the ICU!), chronic GVHD (and years on prednisone!), an AKI, AVN (and broken femur!)...

And literally so many other things that would devastate an average person’s year but became “minor” to me. Only to be left incredibly vulnerable to minor viruses let alone COVID. And to have my state ignore me. And to have so few non-disabled people advocating.

Like literally why? It’s been almost six years now without a single break. And it is so, so unsurprising to be left behind and invisible in the vaccine rollout. So unsurprising. #HighRiskCA