A Thread:
Often, in church, we focus heavily on showing what we believe to be “love” to the more powerful and persuasive perpetrator, while we easily dismiss the irritating brokenness of the survivor.

However, showing true genuine love means doing what is most likely to keep both safe and bring both to the point of salvation and freedom in Christ.

Sin, like love, is relational. It is the violation of the relational law of God’s character of love. Sin’s destruction impacts our relationships first with God, then with others. And when abuse is perpetrated, the abuser is violating relationship both with God and that person.

Consequently, when church leaders urge victims to forgive+forget, to embrace reconciliation without sufficient time allotted for the abuser to show lasting, transformative heart change, they are simultaneously telling the abuser the lie, “your sin does not cause death.”

In real life, silence sentences the victim to a lifetime of being beaten, torn down, assaulted by words, fists, or both. That’s not allowing God to transform a rebellious and abusive heart, it’s standing as a buffer between the abuser and their consequences.

That’s not encouraging gospel transformation, it’s preventing the abuser’s ultimate dependence on God. That’s not living in wholeness, it’s modeling an apathetic acceptance of dysfunction and raising the next generation to expect abuse as “normal”.