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1/
#WhatsYourWhy
Clinic
Her: “You probably think I’m stupid.”
Me: “That’s not true, sis. I’ve worked with you too long to think that.”
Her: “Okay. Well I bet you think me saying no to a #CovidVaccine when I work in a hospital is dumb.”
I shook my head.
#WhatsYourWhy
Clinic
Her: “You probably think I’m stupid.”
Me: “That’s not true, sis. I’ve worked with you too long to think that.”
Her: “Okay. Well I bet you think me saying no to a #CovidVaccine when I work in a hospital is dumb.”
I shook my head.
2/
Me: “I think you’re amazing. And if you’re holding off on getting it, you probably have your reason.”
Her: *sighs*
Me: “Can I ask you what it is?”
Her: “What—my reason?”
Me: “Yeah. I mean, if you cool telling me.”
*silence*
Her: “Maaan. I just don’t know, Dr. Manning.”
Me: “I think you’re amazing. And if you’re holding off on getting it, you probably have your reason.”
Her: *sighs*
Me: “Can I ask you what it is?”
Her: “What—my reason?”
Me: “Yeah. I mean, if you cool telling me.”
*silence*
Her: “Maaan. I just don’t know, Dr. Manning.”
3/
Me: “Okay.”
Her: “Okay?”
I touched her arm.
Me: “Yeah. Okay. I mean. . .We can talk about it if you want. Or not if you don’t.”
Her: “I. . I just. . .” *looks around* “Um, can we chat someplace private?”
Me: “Sure.”
We stepped into a patient room and closed the door.
Me: “Okay.”
Her: “Okay?”
I touched her arm.
Me: “Yeah. Okay. I mean. . .We can talk about it if you want. Or not if you don’t.”
Her: “I. . I just. . .” *looks around* “Um, can we chat someplace private?”
Me: “Sure.”
We stepped into a patient room and closed the door.
4/
Once alone, she immediately began to cry. Hard. Against my better judgment, I pulled her into a hug. Her face shield crinkled on my shoulder.
And she wept.
Me: “It’s okay.”
Her: “I feel so stupid. But I’m just . . . I’m scared. I’m all my family got.”
I felt her shaking.
Once alone, she immediately began to cry. Hard. Against my better judgment, I pulled her into a hug. Her face shield crinkled on my shoulder.
And she wept.
Me: “It’s okay.”
Her: “I feel so stupid. But I’m just . . . I’m scared. I’m all my family got.”
I felt her shaking.
5/
She stepped back, pulled a paper towel from the dispenser, and patted her face beneath the plastic shield.
Her: “I’m sorry.”
Me: “Don’t be, sis.”
I sat down and looked up at her.
Me: “What’d you mean when you said ‘you all your family got?’”
She gave a tiny shrug.
She stepped back, pulled a paper towel from the dispenser, and patted her face beneath the plastic shield.
Her: “I’m sorry.”
Me: “Don’t be, sis.”
I sat down and looked up at her.
Me: “What’d you mean when you said ‘you all your family got?’”
She gave a tiny shrug.
6/
Her: “I’m it. For everybody. And I’m just scared of something bad happening.”
Me: “Bad like what?”
Her: “Bad like . . . bad.”
She gave herself an admonishing eye roll and shook her head.
Her: *snaps finger* “I just thought of something. You know how I feel?”
Me: *listening*
Her: “I’m it. For everybody. And I’m just scared of something bad happening.”
Me: “Bad like what?”
Her: “Bad like . . . bad.”
She gave herself an admonishing eye roll and shook her head.
Her: *snaps finger* “I just thought of something. You know how I feel?”
Me: *listening*
7/
Her: “I feel how people feel who scared of heights. Like. . . you probably ain’t gonna fall, you know? But you move back fast as you can ‘cause something inside tells you to. Do that make sense?”
Me: “Damn. Makes perfect sense.”
*silence*
Me: “You scared of heights?”
Her: “I feel how people feel who scared of heights. Like. . . you probably ain’t gonna fall, you know? But you move back fast as you can ‘cause something inside tells you to. Do that make sense?”
Me: “Damn. Makes perfect sense.”
*silence*
Me: “You scared of heights?”
8/
Her: “Girl, terrified of ‘em.”
*laughing*
Her: “I was ‘bout to zip line once on vacation and they had to let me climb back down.” *shudders*
Me: “Dang.”
Her: “I felt JUST like I feel now. Like. . . it ain’t rational. But I’m scared I’ll be the one who falls and dies.”
Damn.
Her: “Girl, terrified of ‘em.”
*laughing*
Her: “I was ‘bout to zip line once on vacation and they had to let me climb back down.” *shudders*
Me: “Dang.”
Her: “I felt JUST like I feel now. Like. . . it ain’t rational. But I’m scared I’ll be the one who falls and dies.”
Damn.
9/
Me: *raising eyebrows* “Wow. That’s deep.”
Her: “Dumb right?”
Me: “Dumb? No. Not at all, actually.”
She leaned against the examining table and looked at the floor. Then she shrugged again.
Her: “I just don’t know, man.”
Me: *raising eyebrows* “Wow. That’s deep.”
Her: “Dumb right?”
Me: “Dumb? No. Not at all, actually.”
She leaned against the examining table and looked at the floor. Then she shrugged again.
Her: “I just don’t know, man.”
10/
Me: “You know what?”
Her *looks up*
Me: “I’m scared of heights, too.”
Her: “Yeah?”
Me: “As hell.”
*laughter*
Me: “But you know? If my family was on the other side of one of those tiny bridges way up high in some mountains? I’d just have to do it scared.”
She stared at me.
Me: “You know what?”
Her *looks up*
Me: “I’m scared of heights, too.”
Her: “Yeah?”
Me: “As hell.”
*laughter*
Me: “But you know? If my family was on the other side of one of those tiny bridges way up high in some mountains? I’d just have to do it scared.”
She stared at me.
11/
Me: “I lost you, huh?”
Her: *chuckling* “Actually. . .no.” *eyes narrowing* “That’s a good way to look at it. I can see it.”
Voices from the other clinic team members buzzed on the other side of the door.
Me: “Hey. . . I just want you to know that it’s okay to be scared.”
Me: “I lost you, huh?”
Her: *chuckling* “Actually. . .no.” *eyes narrowing* “That’s a good way to look at it. I can see it.”
Voices from the other clinic team members buzzed on the other side of the door.
Me: “Hey. . . I just want you to know that it’s okay to be scared.”
12/
Her eyes welled up again.
Me: “There were thousands of us in the studies, sis. And over a million folks got 2 doses already.”
Her: *listening*
Me: “It’s okay if you feel kinda scared. I just want you to be more scared of getting COVID.”
We heard someone calling her name.
Her eyes welled up again.
Me: “There were thousands of us in the studies, sis. And over a million folks got 2 doses already.”
Her: *listening*
Me: “It’s okay if you feel kinda scared. I just want you to be more scared of getting COVID.”
We heard someone calling her name.
13/
Her: “Girl, let us get out of here ‘fore they come to get us.”
Me: *cracking open door* “You good?”
Her: “Yeah. I’m okay.”
*pause*
Me: “And listen—you aren’t stupid.”
Her: *nods* “Thanks for saying that.”
Me: “You know what else? I love you.”
I meant that, too.
Her: “Girl, let us get out of here ‘fore they come to get us.”
Me: *cracking open door* “You good?”
Her: “Yeah. I’m okay.”
*pause*
Me: “And listen—you aren’t stupid.”
Her: *nods* “Thanks for saying that.”
Me: “You know what else? I love you.”
I meant that, too.
14/
Her: “We been working together a long time.”
Me: “Yup.”
*silence*
Her: “You think I should do it?”
Me: “You got access to get it. And you all your family got. So yeah. I think you should.”
As we walked out toward the clinic huddle she paused.
Her: “Hey—I love you, too.”
Her: “We been working together a long time.”
Me: “Yup.”
*silence*
Her: “You think I should do it?”
Me: “You got access to get it. And you all your family got. So yeah. I think you should.”
As we walked out toward the clinic huddle she paused.
Her: “Hey—I love you, too.”
15/
Fear of heights.
Fear of leaving those who need her most.
Longitudinal relationships built over years of busy clinics.
And love.
These were her reasons.
Hers.
None of them stupid.
At all.
She chose to do it scared.
For them. For her.
Yup.
#BlackWhysMatter
Fear of heights.
Fear of leaving those who need her most.
Longitudinal relationships built over years of busy clinics.
And love.
These were her reasons.
Hers.
None of them stupid.
At all.
She chose to do it scared.
For them. For her.
Yup.
#BlackWhysMatter
