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There’s a concept in borderline communities called an FP (favorite person), and it’s basically a person that folks with BPD latch onto to feel whole and validated. I once heard a psychologist describe folks with BPD as having a huge tank to fill up, but it’s constantly-
-emptying at the same time. We fill up with compliments, validation, intense emotions or connections, drugs, or food. When we’re empty, we truly feel like we don’t exist. Like a soulless husk. When someone with BPD finds someone who validates their existence somewhat-
-consistently for a period of time, they latch onto that person, because that person can keep their tank full. On the outside, it can look healthy. For example, unless I’m romantically connected to an FP, I don’t find it difficult to respect their space or anything. But I-
-have a need to have positive exchanges or support from them on a regular basis and if something feels off or I don’t get my tank filled by them, I get disproportionately frustrated, sad, and empty. I haven’t really had an FP lately, which is contributing to horrific loneliness.
FP’s are not automatically unhealthy and in a way, I think they’re inevitable. You just get an attachment to someone. Preemptively setting a boundary for yourself can keep it from getting too wild. But I’ve also noticed that the FP’s I’ve had were people who were super accepting-
-of my intense energy and kinda understood that even if I shared a lot with them or sent them a lot of texts or something that I didn’t necessarily need anything from them right away, because respecting others’ space and time is something that’s easy to me. But I still would-
-kinda use our interactions to get a hit of “will to live” lol. I dunno. Just dropping a BPD tidbit for y’all.
