Read on Twitter
Just wanted to talk about some of the flack I’ve been getting lately, attempt to clarify what’s going on, vent a little, and share some broader thoughts about abuse and accountability on Twitter in general
It’s naive, but it really irks me when people are dishonest about me on here. it’s part and parcel on the internet but especially when there are things I can legit be criticized for there’s no need to make shit up. but more often, it’s largely hearsay. awful game of telephone
half truths and lies combined with the absolutist nature of the court of public opinion dictates that I am simultaneously (apparently) a beloved left twitter poster and some kind of nazi that ought to be shot
I’ve noticed most folk that are coming after me lately will conveniently omit context or parts of my identity because it doesn’t fit the narrative necessary to get traction on here, whether that is due to my buffer of social capital or just base cruelty or smth else I’m not sure
ie people saying I’m mean to merrick while failing to mention I’m a sex worker and the whole reason we dislike her is because she speaks over other sex workers, as well as a number of other issues lol
Also quick aside, I never encouraged swatting or harming merrick in any way nor did I celebrate that. I’ve experienced that personally and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Was I happy she logged off? Fuck yeah. Will I dunk on her in the future? Probably, hopefully less and less
A lot of people don’t know the extent of the abuse I went through from people on this website. I’ve been groomed, raped, doxxed, and sent death and rape threats by twitter people and that kind of experience for a femme presenting person on here is the rule, not the exception.
So I’m always inclined to support women on here who are in that boat, and subject to similar kinds of hate. I just hate grifters, revisionists, and dishonest people. Regardless, to be 100% clear, I do not think me hating on anyone is EVER “praxis” lmao
But let’s talk about the questionable/ harmful things I’ve actually done so y’all know what’s actually going on and see if the outrage is appropriate to the transgression
I’ve made a handful of questionable jokes, a hotep joke taken out of context when I didn’t know better, and posting @Java_jigga jokingly giving me an “n word pass.” It was dumb as hell on both our parts and I am sorry, but I didn’t make the pass or say it like people are saying
But the main thing is my use of the r slur. I never claimed to be reclaiming it, though for me using it took away the scary power it once had over me. The way I see it, as with most parts of my identity, how I engage with it will never be dictated by public opinion or scrutiny.
You are allowed to dislike me for using it, and I certainly don’t think I’m doing anything brave. But you could not pay me to care about anyone policing what I have a right to say as an autistic person, especially when just as many people have told me that me using it helps them.
Because it’s such a personal issue, I don’t think it’s fair to characterize it as squarely good or bad. If it is something you would rather me not say you have two options: talk to me, or mute/block me. My stance isn’t changing but in interpersonal contexts I’m happy to refrain.
Of course, you run the risk of enabling shitty, bigoted people. But I earnestly believe they’re in the minority here. Regardless, I have 25 thousand followers and those people are not my responsibility. I can always set a better example in general, but you can’t draw causal lines
Another issue is NT people trying to clout farm and discourse on what I or any disabled person can or can’t say. It’s vapid, performative, and ultimately helps no one but yourself. Speaking over marginalized people to take a hard line on slurs isn’t as brave as you think
I think part of the reason I get so standoffish with criticism is bc a majority of it is misogynistic or otherwise violent, if not otherwise dishonest. I get death and rape threats every other day, so it can be hard for me to parse out when people are criticizing in good faith
Wokescold culture operates in similarly bad faith, and in general I will not entertain it. I can smell performative bs from a mile away. It’s not healthy to be in a constant state of outrage while simultaneously believing vapid cancellations will alleviate it somehow
In general Twitter seems divided on their characterizations of me, I’m either a racist antisemitic irony bully or a cringe normie egirl onlyfans whore. Either way, if that’s your take on me, that’s fine but I’m not engaging with anyone who thinks that way because it’s dishonest
I’ve seen people say I don’t “look autistic” or try to prescribe my level of functionality based on what they see on the internet, and that, along with majority neurotypicals dictating the conversation overall, is vastly more ableist than me calling some 1488 guy a retard
Obscuring my character to the point where I’m painted as a fash adjacent monster is precisely the reason why actual bigots and abusers flourish on left twitter. We’ve deluded the words so much that they are now useless in identifying who is tangibly harmful or dangerous
The dishonest emphasis on politeness and decorum over actions and character create an environment in which everyone is guilty and no one can be held accountable. In general, the proliferation of false or fabricated allegations harms victims and makes it harder to come forward
those abusers are in turn protected by this arbitrary social capital, and those who can understand abuse only in abstract terms of what is acceptable behavior on an insane Internet forum where the entire point is for people to obscure their identities
I personally experienced this when I had to publicly confront one of my abusers almost a year ago. Because he was adept at manipulating people on here and had a squeaky clean image, it was impossible for me to be believed for months
He did awful things to myself and a number of other women, but to this day his reputation is still less tarnished than mine despite being a serial rapist. That is how insane the state of the discourse has gotten. It profoundly depresses me.
Anyways, I’ve told friends this already but I do want to make an effort to be kinder and less inflammatory on here, I think in general I stay out of drama more than I used to but just being edgy for the fuck of it is not worth hurting people or getting my friends into trouble
Pretty much the only upside to having a large platform is being able to promote my friends’ projects or fundraisers for people in need/other educational stuff, so if only for that reason I will endeavor to keep it
More than that, the person I am online increasingly does not reflect the (novice) organizer and historian I am offline, and I really want to make an effort to push through my impostor syndrome and share that part of myself with people and make a more positive impact
If you made it this far, thank you. I hope at least some of this made sense. I appreciate everyone’s support including those who are able to hold me accountable independent of the counterproductive channels we often use on here. Love u all
BTW I am not trying to say that I don’t deserve some of the criticism I’m getting. I do, and I’ve learned and adjusted accordingly. Just get your facts straight lol
Oh and ALSO ALSO I don’t want to see anyone harassing anyone that’s coming at me in good faith. Even if people are being vicious let’s try and be better about it (goes for me too), fancams are great for this bc they’re neutral and still piss literally everyone off
