Read on Twitter
Let's talk about demands.
Parents are taught too often that children "must" do certain things.
Here's how you can assess whether it is truly a "must."
1/10
Parents are taught too often that children "must" do certain things.
Here's how you can assess whether it is truly a "must."
1/10
1. Am I making assumptions about what children are supposed to do?
2. What happens if my child doesn't do this task?
3. Am I asking this of my child because this is what other people expect from my child?
4. Is this for my child's safety?
2/
2. What happens if my child doesn't do this task?
3. Am I asking this of my child because this is what other people expect from my child?
4. Is this for my child's safety?
2/
5. Does my child experience sensory distress from this task?
a. Is there a way to change the task to make it less painful/distressing?
If not - Consider Steps 2 and 4 again.
b. Is there an equivalent task that would meet this need
but is not distressing?
3/
a. Is there a way to change the task to make it less painful/distressing?
If not - Consider Steps 2 and 4 again.
b. Is there an equivalent task that would meet this need
but is not distressing?
3/
6. Would preparation via visual scheduling or more information make this task easier?
7. Are other things, such as major life changes, sensory environments, basic needs (food/water), or communication needs causing extra stress regarding this task that need to be looked at?
4/
7. Are other things, such as major life changes, sensory environments, basic needs (food/water), or communication needs causing extra stress regarding this task that need to be looked at?
4/
8. Have you asked your child why they do not like this task? Have you found a way for them to communicate their distress with you? (pointing/pictures/AAC/sign language/typing)
9. Have you tried solving the problem together and letting your child have input and control?
5/
9. Have you tried solving the problem together and letting your child have input and control?
5/
10. Is this really a necessary task, or is it based on NT parenting expectations? Is there a logical reason behind this?
11. Has this been explicitly explained to your kid in a way they understand?
12. Have you tried giving up control (i.e. letting them brush your hair)?
6/
11. Has this been explicitly explained to your kid in a way they understand?
12. Have you tried giving up control (i.e. letting them brush your hair)?
6/
Tasks that I'm referring to include:
Bathing/showering (esp. frequently)
Hair washing
Hair brushing
Haircuts
Fingernail/toenail clipping
Teeth brushing with specific toothbrush/toothpaste
Performing chores (executive function)
Expecting them to look at you when talking
7/
Bathing/showering (esp. frequently)
Hair washing
Hair brushing
Haircuts
Fingernail/toenail clipping
Teeth brushing with specific toothbrush/toothpaste
Performing chores (executive function)
Expecting them to look at you when talking
7/
Expecting them to be a certain way around other people.
Expecting them to have a "good attitude" (this usually means manipulate our tone of voice which we often don't have control of).
Expecting them to eat a certain food, at a certain place, at a certain time.
8/
Expecting them to have a "good attitude" (this usually means manipulate our tone of voice which we often don't have control of).
Expecting them to eat a certain food, at a certain place, at a certain time.
8/
Expecting them to do specific tasks on your schedule without proper notice.
Expecting them to speak - to tell you how their day was no matter how exhausted they are.
Expecting them to go to certain events.
Expecting them to interact with extended relatives or other children.
9/
Expecting them to speak - to tell you how their day was no matter how exhausted they are.
Expecting them to go to certain events.
Expecting them to interact with extended relatives or other children.
9/
For problem-solving hygiene routines and sensory sensitivities, there are a lot of tips in this thread:
https://twitter.com/AutSciPerson/status/1116527158564986880?s=20
10/
https://twitter.com/AutSciPerson/status/1116527158564986880?s=20
10/
If this thread was helpful to you, here is more general information on autism - https://autisticscienceperson.com/2021/01/05/a-guide-to-understanding-your-autistic-child/
Another question to ask - Are they physically able to complete the task? (many autistic people have dyspraxia) https://twitter.com/Semilocon/status/1355256735838179328?s=20
