harsh writing advice: the phantom of the opera is in the public domain so if you are not writing a phantom of the opera retelling it is a hate crime

HARSH WRITING ADVICE: we're all whores, darlin'

HARSH WRITING ADVICE book auctions are literally the hunger games where you fight other writers to the death so make sure you do a few pushups before you go on submission

HARSH WRITING ADVICE don't ever set anything in the South. Ever. For any reason.

HARSH WRITING ADVICE bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks

HARSH WRITING ADVICE if you write a sex scene you WILL go to horny jail

HARSH WRITING ADVICE trrrrrrrrrrheSCHESCHESCHESCSCHEheschescheschschrrhrhrhrrtrtrrrrrrrtttttttttttt (this one only applies to cicadas)

HARSH WRITING ADVICE your male colleagues will say and do a lot of dumb shit that you could never get away with (both in their writing and on social/in public) and you just kind of have to be cool with it (this one's for the ladies

HARSH WRITING ADVICE there is no German language. it's not real. they're lying to you, and anyone who tries to pressure you into putting "German" in your writing is trying to scam you.

HARSH WRITING ADVICE the drug testing you have to do when you get your first book contract is shockingly intense. like, don't eat any poppy seed bagels for a few days before you have to take it, that's how hardcore it is.

HARSH WRITING ADVICE don't get canceled

HARSH WRITING ADVICE if a male writer tries to seduce you and you notice that he is followed around by a red cloven-hoofed mangoat, RUN AWAY. That is Mephisto, and you don't want to end up killing yourself to regain your purity just because he made a deal with the devil.

HARSH WRITING ADVICE that guy who's offering you talent and fame and fortune in exchange for your eternal soul is Mephisto, what are you doing?? Tell him to go bother Jonathan Franzen (this one's for the fellas)

HARSH WRITING ADVICE stop digging your foot around in your ear (this one's for my dog)

HARSH WRITING ADVICE unless you are from Tennessee, you will never spell Tennessee right on the first try, so don't bother. This also applies to people from Wisconsin.

HARSH WRITING ADVICE unless you are from beleaguered you will never spell beleaguered right on the first try, so don't bother. This also applies to people from bureaucracy

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