⟶ The last thing Illumi learned how to suppress were the tears

[A thread of headcanons where I connected some dots of the way I think Illumi lives the pain]

Tw // Explicit abuse

10-12 years old Illumi had that undaunted face he has now, but the tears were falling like a violent river while the electric zaps were making his inside ache, while his stomach was feeling like ripping because of the poison, while his skin was burning by the hits and lashes.

Not a single noise, not a single movement of his face muscles, just tears drowning his eyes until he couldn’t see anything, until he could taste them and swallow them.

The first time he showed a pain gesture again while crying was when he had to start “training” his little brothers. https://twitter.com/kitescrazyslut/status/1334281997250916352

And from then on, the expression of his feelings just came when he was all alone, and just from the pain he had in the soul, because the impossible love he had for his siblings surpassed every kind of physical torture. https://twitter.com/kitescrazyslut/status/1320849893204893696