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I think I understand the sentiment and the argument presented here. It's a restatement of the conventional wisdom that it's harder to hate up close. The more people work together the easier it is to see opponents as people. I am sympathetic. But... https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2021/01/seditionists-need-path-back-society/617746/
...the problem that I think goes unmentioned here is that even when these people were in control, even when they putatively had the levers of power and government all working to satisfy their grievances, they only became more aggrieved.
In 2016 it was our (non-Trumpists) responsibility to try and understand these people, why they were upset, what they want done about it etc. For the next four years that didn't change no matter how many words were written or how many "wins" Trump bestowed on them.
They got crazier and crazier and the more it provoked a reaction from people disgusted by it, the crazier they got. And it's not as if we separated into two isolated groups. We weren't physically separated like Norther Ireland.
Power and attention only drove them further down rabbit holes. The Republicans in office saw that encouraging this sort of craziness works for their needs so why on earth would they let go? This was and is, as @RadioFreeTom says, a hostage situation.
What's more is the hostage takers' demands aren't grounded in reality so there's just no way of really negotiating with even if you thought that was the right move.
