Critical Hedge Fund Theory begins from an assumption that shady stock trading and societal alchemy to manipulate stock values are the ordinary state of affairs, the "normal science" of finance.

Critical Hedge Fund Theory recognizes that shady trading and financial alchemy are systemic and accessible only to those who are themselves hedge fund managers or their direct beneficiaries.

Whereas other approaches to finance consider investments, portfolios, and building the economy in a free economy system, Critical Hedge Fund Theory starts from a profound skepticism of free markets and the dumb plebs who participate in the underlying economy.

A key assumption of Critical Hedge Fund Theory is interest convergence: normal everyday people's trades are only legitimate when in the best interests of the big fund managers. Other trades are illegitimate and irresponsibly prop up a free market and may enrich normal people.

When confronted with shady trading and financial misconduct, people will usually respond with a series of defensive rhetorical moves "calling out" the misconduct of rich hedge fund managers, and this is known as Hedge Fund Fragility. This shows a lack of financial stamina.

There is an unspoken (in public, anyway) arrangement among hedge fund managers, big media, and corrupt politicians to keep average people poor and disenfranchised known as "the Hedge Fund contract." This contract helps keep the little guy down and their elites up.

People who believe that the market should be free instead of manipulated by hedge fund managers, media titans, and corrupt politicians have a false hedge-fund consciousness and should be disenfranchised and have their money and investments taken from them for the Greater Good.

Thinking it is wrong for hedge fund managers, with the help of the media and corrupt politicians, to make billions off shorting businesses they forced to collapse in a pandemic is a type of hedge fund fragility that indicates a lack of financial humility.

It is not enough to not be an everyday trader, you must be anti-everyday-trader. There is no neutral under Critical Hedge Fund Theory.

Critical Hedge Fund Theory defines everyday traders who short squeeze hedge fund managers as the worst kind of criminal, the kind of little Nazis who are willing to destabilize entire almost criminal enterprises meant only for rich people and corrupt politicians.

Disagreement with Critical Hedge Fund Theory is racist, sexist, fascist, homophobic, Nazi-ist, Satanic, white supremacist, Russian, and alt-rightist according to Critical Hedge Fund Theory.