Yesterday I took this pill. Today will be the first day since 2014 that I won't take one (don't worry, I've consulted my psychiatrist); hopefully I won't need to ever again. I'm very proud, but also very scared of myself. I have a second chance at sanity (a thread):
#BellLetsTalk
I don't know how many people this will reach, so I can't really gauge how many of you have experienced psychosis. I feel like it's not a lot of people though. Most of the mental health conversation is about depression and anxiety, but the stigma won't end there -
#BellLetsTalk
There's a lot of "it's ok" and "you're not alone" when we discuss depression/anxiety. Psychosis is not ok, and many people with psychotic disorders never really bounce back. Some have support, some are homeless, and some destroy themselves before they can get help.
#BellLetsTalk
I've had 2 major episodes for which I was hospitalized. The first time the doctors chalked it up to my chronic cannabis use. You might be scoffing at that. I did. Weed is harmless, right? It's our best friend. So what did I do when I was discharged? I smoked weed.
#BellLetsTalk
And I managed to get away with smoking weed for four more years, until I found myself in another psych ward. Boy was my face red when I came to my senses (thanks to the pill pictured above). My family was furious with me. "You're allergic to weed!" they said.
#BellLetsTalk
But this time the doctors said I had schizophrenia, which was a big relief. It wasn't marijuana's fault, it wasn't MY fault. I had a condition, a disorder. This made it easier to accept that I'd lost my job and my apartment AGAIN, thanks to my insane mind.
#BellLetsTalk
I still live here with my mom. I haven't dated or worked for seven, eight years. Remember that commercial about the guy who drank too much and woke up with a girl's name tattooed on his back? Well, imagine that, but with strange occult symbols. And mental illness.
#BellLetsTalk
I don't know if I have schizophrenia. I doubt it. So I took a leap of faith and tapered off my meds. Now I must monitor my own mental health, which seems easy, but we don't all know the power of the brain as an organ, and we definitely don't know its weakness
#BellLetsTalk
I didn't mean to undermine depression or anxiety before. But I do believe they cannot be avoided in most cases, and are a part of the human experience, whether we talk about them or not.
Losing your mind does not feel human. And if it CAN be prevented, it should.
#BellLetsTalk
TL; DR
Is reefer madness real? Not for everyone, so I'm not going to caution you against cannabis. But I caution myself against it.
Be careful with your brain, everyone ❤
#BellLetsTalk
You can follow @LeftySheridan.
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