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Last night my brain decided it was time to have a pretty bad manic episode. I don't talk about it much publicly but I am diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I want to take a moment and discuss what that is like, specifically the manic side of things.
Bipolar disorder is a chronic mental illness. There is no "getting better," it's a burden you carry with you for your entire life. Everything people do to treat it is mitigation, and that helps, but it's not foolproof. Therapy and meditation are probably the most well known ones.
I've had therapy and medication, they help, but episodes can still happen. In the case of a severe depressive or severe manic episode, de-escalation can literally be the difference between life and death. That sounds serious, and that's because it is.
If I had to give a layman breakdown on where my mood is typically at, it would be something like this:
20% moderate to severe depression
35% mild depression
30% stable
10% mild mania
5% moderate to severe mania.
20% moderate to severe depression
35% mild depression
30% stable
10% mild mania
5% moderate to severe mania.
As you can see, mania is pretty rare for me, and that's a good thing! The downside of that is it happens so rarely that when it does happen I usually forget what to do. It's also really hard to think correctly when you're manic.
So let's talk about what mania is, not a lot of people seem to know after all. Mania is an altered state of mood that can feature:
Rapid and disorganized thoughts (to the point that it can be hard to speak coherently sometimes)
Delusions of grandeur
Alarming levels of energy...
Rapid and disorganized thoughts (to the point that it can be hard to speak coherently sometimes)
Delusions of grandeur
Alarming levels of energy...
Increased risk taking behavior (spending money, gambling, drug use, sex, etc)
Impaired judgement
Lack of need for sleep
Unusual talkativeness
And even psychosis.
These are all fairly bad things.
Impaired judgement
Lack of need for sleep
Unusual talkativeness
And even psychosis.
These are all fairly bad things.
A mild manic episode usually isn't the worst. I had one for a few days earlier this month. I got more talkative and productive, but also much more irritable.
People genuinely don't believe me when I say how bad severe episodes are, so I am going to describe it a bit.
People genuinely don't believe me when I say how bad severe episodes are, so I am going to describe it a bit.
Severe mental health warning on this post.
Last night I experienced psychosis and started to disassociate. This is extremely rare for me so I freaked out. It felt like I had left my body. I pointed to the corner of my room where I 'was' and asked why I was no longer in my body..
Last night I experienced psychosis and started to disassociate. This is extremely rare for me so I freaked out. It felt like I had left my body. I pointed to the corner of my room where I 'was' and asked why I was no longer in my body..
