14. You can feel anger without transferring it to your parenting responses.

15. Three things to say to a crying child instead of “stop crying” :

“I can see that you’re upset.”
“How can I help you?”
“It’s okay to cry.”

16. Make the conscious effort to say “yes” more than you say “no.” Often, it’s easy to change a “no” to a yes: “Yes, you can play after dinner.”

17. Every behavior is the communication of a need. You are your child’s ‘need detector.’

18. “My passion about what I do comes from seeing what compassion and unconditional love do to the broken hearts of the children who have come into my foster care and who think that their behaviors are who they are, and that love needs to be earned.”

19a. Society antagonizes children’s dependence. The message we get everywhere is “push independence on your children.” If he’s crying, “Oh no no no no, your attention is going to feed his tantrum.”

19b. If he wakes up crying for you, “Oh no no no no he’s not going to learn how to self-soothe.” If your child constantly follows you around, society tells you “oh no no no you’re creating a clingy child, you held him too much.”

19c. There is no such thing as too much connection with our children. Restricting connection doesn’t create independence. It creates separation anxiety.