There are many hard learned lessons for those of us in Venture.

But sometimes you learn lessons about yourself.

Today, I'd like to share on of my hardest learnings and the story of the man whom I learned it from.

Like all learnings it starts in the past.

On June 7th 1997 something changed in the Canadian Tech ecosystem.

At its centre was Antoine Paquin.

The leader of a new generation of tech founders. A generation who took their lead from Terry Matthews and wanted to create the next crop of Canadian startups.

Antoine tested his limits and had all the qualities to be a leader of that generation.

A strong personality he'd wanted a military career but found that hazing and stress at RMC to hard to deal with.

He graduated from Carleton in Engineering and worked in Nortels R&D unit.

But he also was a visionary who saw the future merging of the telecom and internet networks.

And in 1995 he started designing a chip to bridge those worlds. He named the company Skystone and raised a round. Angels, Terry Matthews and young VC named Dave Furneaux invested.

Terry knew these chips would give a competitive edge to Newbridge. And he was happy to back the company.

Antoine said "The Newbridge, Ciscos, Nortel, they haven't figured out the real problem. I'm going to sell them all the solution, my chips."

He was dead right. Within months he had orders for a chip he hadn't finished making yet.

And one customer was determined to keep it out of the hand of their rivals at Newbridge and Nortel.

@Cisco offered to buy the company.

This was unheard of in Canada.

Tech Companies took years to exit.

But Skystone started a boom of U.S. VC's trekking north to fund tech companies.

They would subsequently be bought by publicly listed tech companies who needed the technical chops only Canada had.

Skystone was sold for $89M US or $130M Cad (the exchange rate then sucked.)

Antoine was a multi-millionaire.

“It’s not about making money. It’s about passion. It’s about building something. It’s about winning” he said at the time.

But it was at a great personal sacrifice.

His wife filed for divorce the day the exit was signed.

He'd invested their life savings without her knowledge. He often was absent for their toddler son.

His success had come at a cost.

But Antoine threw himself into his new role as the leader of the next generation in Canadian tech scene.

He was being compared to Terry Matthews but he was having none of it. He wanted to be different.

He was an angel in numerous companies.

1 of which was in need of a CEO.

Within a year Antoine left Cisco and joined Philsar as its leader.

Philsar was on the bleeding edge of chips for Data on wireless telecom networks. Antoine ran himself and the company hard. Building a team, finding customers, looking for partners.

And in April 2000, just 18 months after joining, Conexant bought the company for $186 million US.

It looked like a huge win. But by then the Stock market bubble had burst. The deal had been valued at almost 400M when signed but by the time it was announced it was half that.

It continued to fall for to the rest of the year, and while the Philsar IP become a major chunk of the Conexants success in later years.

Antoine and the founding team wouldn't see the rewards.

The tech downturn was in full swing.

This left a bitter taste as it was followed by the a change by the gov’t reassessing some tax shelters he and others had used on the advice of Deloitte.

Wiping out a large chunk of his winnings.

He wanted a change. He left and moved to the valley. https://www.theglobeandmail.com/report-on-business/boy-wonder-quits-ottawa-for-california/article748750/

There he worked at a new startup but the VC's and him argued over direction. He found himself without his network and with little to do.

He'd fill his calendar to feel busy

"He was loving life and living it fully but at the same time he was suffering” said a friend.

Realizing that he needed structure. He moved back to Ottawa and cofounded @rhocanada as a GP.

But he was never truly comfortable in the role. He once told me when I pitched for capital

"Wait, and think about this, do you really want VC $ and all the pain it causes"

Not the standard response.

But the not a standard guy.

Unlike most VC's who were operators. He truly was, and he'd been insanely successful. He left Rho before they went for fund 2.

He wanted to build again, founded his next startup.

Solantro was out to change the world - for the better - technology to make solar panels to be more efficient.

But there were no quick exits. This time a seed round was easy to secure but VC money for Canadians had dried up.

Antoine struggled to get the capital he needed.

As usual he threw his energy and himself into the problems. Putting in hours to the detriment of anything else.

He was travelling everywhere.

To meet everyone.

Again his family life suffered & there were signs of his inner struggles at work.

He was finding it harder. 

CRA informed him he owed $17 million in back taxes - after a tax shelter Deloitte had recommended was deemed to be unsound.

His company was struggling. While he raised a Series B, the results of his product were not to his liking.

He wanted to focus on the tech...

And then his father passed followed closely by his closest mentor.

Antoine had a mental break. His struggles manifested and he sought help at a hospital.

He took a vacation.

He left Solantro.

He had trouble finding peace.

He tried to analyze the problem.

He couldn't.

Antoine continued to struggle never quite finding a way out.  His family and friends were all there but it didn't quite work.

And in the end in May of 2017 he found peace in his own way.

And we lost one of the best.

Antoine was a mentor, friend or inspiration to a lot of us. 

I met him at the beginning - he pitched my dad in my kitchen for the Seed round at Skystone. We invested.

When he went to visit with Terry Matthews he’d stop by my desk. "Why you here? Go start company" he'd joke

When I did.

He was available.

After my startup failed and I joined a @BDCIT_Fund he emailed me to say.

"I think you should be a founder, but you could also be a great VC. Call me whenever you need me, never forget how hard it is to start a company."

Great advice.

When I had offers to go south to be a VC his advice was there…

"Don't go South" he advised "there's so much more to do here."

That was the last thing he sent me.

Antoine was lucky and unlucky.

He had a supportive family who tried to find him help when he needed it.

But sadly no recognized how much more help he needed.

There's a bravado amongst all entrepreneurs, an arrogance and swagger that we celebrate.

But there's a price for that.

And for many, that price comes due in silence and when they're all alone.

We need to create a culture of sharing the struggles and concerns.

In my last brief call with Antoine, I could hear he was stressed. But it never occurred to me to stop our conversation and just talk about how he was doing. To dive into his personal well being more.

After all he was my advisor.

Maybe I should have been his.

It's a lesson I've taken to heart. I'll never let that thought pass me by again. And that the last thing I learned from my time knowing Antoine.

Today we're talking about mental health but it just can't be once a year.

We owe it to each other to be able to ask each other for an opportunity to be open every single day.

Be vulnerable and allow others to be vulnerable with you. Ask questions that might be nothing but need to be asked.

Jan 28th is #BellLetsTalk so lets.