I'm taking a couple weeks off. But I can't go anywhere. (Thanks COVID!) I think maybe tomorrow, I'll pack as though I'm preparing for a flight to a warm beach with crystal clear waters. I'll get all stressed about making my flight. That way, for a couple hours I can just pretend.

Maybe I'll turn this thread into a travelogue of my trip. I think I'll run around the house pretending I lost the tickets (and that it's 1993 when those cardboard-like tickets were an actual thing instead of e-tickets). Dammit! I'm looking everywhere. Where the hell can they be?!

I hope the rebels don't move on the capital city during my vacation. And where is the Pepto? Did anyone check on whether we need a visa? How could you forget that???? Oh darn it! I forgot to stop the paper, which is an actual paper paper because it's the 1990s.

Parador is simply beautiful this time of year, though the dictator has been a little off ever since he lost some weight. I wonder if he has an iron deficiency. I can't wait to stretch out on a beach there. Room service every day because the dollar goes far in Parador.

Just got word that an asteroid or something crashed into Parador Bay and capsized a tanker. The power was knocked out along the coast but came back quickly. I’m sure it’s nothing. That glowing light in the water is surely just bioluminescence that got stirred up. Still, so weird.

They’re saying all communication with New South Amsterdam, where I’ll be staying, has been cut off, but there’s no reason to think that means the pretzel festival has been canceled. Oh lord, they have some nut on camera talking about growling noises in the harbor. How silly.

Just got an email from the manager of Cloverfield Suites, who says all is well and they’re throwing in a free continental breakfast. The military rolled in mistakenly thinking there’d been a rebel attack, and they’re promising to put on a fireworks show while they’re there. Fun!

Crap! My flight’s TODAY! I can’t BELIEVE I got this wrong. I’ve been looking forward to this trip for so long! I’ve only got like 15 minutes to pack this is a NIGHTMARE! Anyone know if iPhone chargers are compatible with Paradoran electricity? Can one of you water my plants?

Made it. Turns out TSA lines are short in a pandemic. I had enough time to buy a Paradoan electricity converter in the airport—which is shaped like Oklahoma and has 18 star-shaped prongs! We’re boarding a nearly empty plane. They had a bunch of no shows. But I’m sure it’s fine.

We boarded, they sealed the door, then the flight attendants began arguing. I don’t know what they said in Paradoran (a mix of German & Spanish) but two freaked out, unsealed the door and leapt to the gangplank as it was pulling away. So that’s ominous. But I’m sure it’s fine.