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perhaps this is a ~hot take~ but i think too much of the discourse around harmful kink ignores the fact that many women do experience these thoughts and "just go to therapy" isn't the solution in the same way "just turn it into a bedroom thing" isn't. not everyone can afford-
-therapy and thats an extremely dismissive response when we should be talking to women about how to understand and combat these thoughts. we should be offering information about how wanting to be abused sexually often stems from childhood trauma, and BDSM is only a short term-
-solution, eventually leaving people unable to form relationships without abuse. telling people who are often abuse victims that they're fucked in the head for having a disrupted mental process around sex is not the solution.
i think a lot of radfems have this attitude of "ew why do you want to reenact your abuse.. couldn't be me" and i don't think this is helpful because trauma isn't logical and this only serves to further alienate these women.-
instead we should be asking survivors to critically analyse why they are attracted to abusive people. introduce them to the idea that the people with behaviours that you're naturally attracted to bc of past abuse aren't necessarily the best people for you to be with.
this explains it quite well, even if it is pseudo psychology: https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/why-were-compelled-to-love-difficult-people/
"We may describe someone as ânot sexyâ or âboringâ when in truth we mean: unlikely to make me suffer in the way I need to suffer in order to feel that love is real."
i should clarify if someone can get therapy then we should 10000% encourage them to take it. this post is mainly about people in these communities who might not, and "get therapy" isn't gonna work for them bc they can't.
