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[THREAD] let’s talk about people pleasing. It is a behaviour that a lot of us engaged in, more so when our mental health is not doing well. Whether it is because we want to fit in, avoid confrontation, or just satisfy people around us. However, it can be bad for us and others!
Trying to please people often comes at the expense of our mental health. By trying to be there for everyone, we often spend energy that is limited by engaging in people pleasing, which can further harm our mental health. On top of that, we also open ourselves up for hurt.
This is because a lot of people won’t have qualms controlling/manipulating people, meaning that we can be put in a position where we are used rather than supported. Being taken advantage of because of our vulnerabilities can be very challenging to get out of.
Furthermore, it is important to remember that we can’t please everyone. Sometimes, simply existing will upset people and that is something that we can’t control. Also, sometimes when we try to play peacemakers or please others, they can turn against us and make us a scapegoat.
Oftentimes, these behaviours happen because as kids we had to play peacemakers with our parents, stroke their egos so they would soften up, trying to please our bullies so they would stop their behaviours. There are quite a few things in childhood that can lead to people pleasing
While it can be hard to say no, establish ourselves, with practice, we can become more prominent at it. Our behaviour of pleasing people has been going on for a while, so it will take time to reverse that. We can start by writing down things we could change to be more assertive.
Establishing boundaries, especially with people who take advantage of our kindness is really important because it will allow us to gain more confidence and help us establish our real personality and identity. People may not accept this new version of us.
But that just means that they were with us because they could easily take advantage of us. Now that it is no longer on the table, they may leave, but that’s completely alright. Their presence was probably toxic to us. Let’s do an exercise together.
Let’s write down all the behaviours that we engage in to please others, despite not wanting to. They can be small or big but it is important to write them down so that we can identify them. Then, let’s write down, in another column the different (more assertive) behaviours.
In a third column, we will write how we will go about it, a plan to help transition us from the pleasing behaviours to the more assertive ones. Then it is about picking one of those behaviours at a time and making those changes. It is okay to go slowly at our own pace.
Hopefully, that clarifies a little bit why people pleasing can be harmful to us and what we can do to change it a little bit. Have a great day everyone and stay safe 
