Read on Twitter
Strong Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks energy here. https://twitter.com/JordanSchachtel/status/1354538173972545537
And for those of you who DON'T KNOW about the reply of the zaporozhian cossacks, pull up your chairs, lads.
As the story goes, in 1676, the Cossacks were sent an ultimatum by the Ottoman Sultan, demanding their submission:
"Sultan Mehmed IV to the Zaporozhian Cossacks: As the Sultan; son of Muhammad; brother of the sun and moon; grandson and viceroy of God...
"Sultan Mehmed IV to the Zaporozhian Cossacks: As the Sultan; son of Muhammad; brother of the sun and moon; grandson and viceroy of God...
"ruler of the kingdoms of Macedonia, Babylon, Jerusalem, Upper and Lower Egypt; emperor of emperors; sovereign of sovereigns; extraordinary knight, never defeated; steadfast guardian of the tomb of Jesus Christ; trustee chosen by God Himself; the hope and comfort of Muslims...
"confounder and great defender of Christians – I command you, the Zaporogian Cossacks, to submit to me voluntarily and without any resistance, and to desist from troubling me with your attacks.
— Turkish Sultan Mehmed IV"
So read the letter.
— Turkish Sultan Mehmed IV"
So read the letter.
A mighty man, the Sultan, and not to be trifled with. Yet, the Cossacks--like the Redditors we have today, wrote a response. Ilya Repin imagined the drafting of that response in this delightful painting:
"Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan!" began the letter, writ by the one guy who could write
"O sultan Turkish devil and damned devil's kith and kin secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are thou, that canst not slay a hedgehog with your naked arse?
"O sultan Turkish devil and damned devil's kith and kin secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are thou, that canst not slay a hedgehog with your naked arse?
"The devil shits, and your army eats. Thou shalt not, thou son of a whore, make subjects of Christian sons; we have no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, fuck thy mother.
"Thou Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-fucker of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, pig of Armenia, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld...
"an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig's snout, mare's arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw thine own mother!
So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife.
So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife.
"You won't even be herding pigs for the Christians. Now we'll conclude, for we don't know the date and don't own a calendar; the moon's in the sky, the year with the Lord, the day's the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse!"
So read the reply.
Having read that letter, I'd encourage you to go back and look at the painting--the life and vivacity of these tough characters, as they brainstorm filthy insults, their one nerdy [literate] friend trying to keep up. Repin was absolutely one of the all-time greats.
![Having read that letter, I'd encourage you to go back and look at the painting--the life and vivacity of these tough characters, as they brainstorm filthy insults, their one nerdy [literate] friend trying to keep up. Repin was absolutely one of the all-time greats.](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EsyBhidW8AoMn7n.jpg "Having read that letter, I'd encourage you to go back and look at the painting--the life and vivacity of these tough characters, as they brainstorm filthy insults, their one nerdy [literate] friend trying to keep up. Repin was absolutely one of the all-time greats.")
![Having read that letter, I'd encourage you to go back and look at the painting--the life and vivacity of these tough characters, as they brainstorm filthy insults, their one nerdy [literate] friend trying to keep up. Repin was absolutely one of the all-time greats.](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EsyBhjAXEAcHkBv.jpg "Having read that letter, I'd encourage you to go back and look at the painting--the life and vivacity of these tough characters, as they brainstorm filthy insults, their one nerdy [literate] friend trying to keep up. Repin was absolutely one of the all-time greats.")
![Having read that letter, I'd encourage you to go back and look at the painting--the life and vivacity of these tough characters, as they brainstorm filthy insults, their one nerdy [literate] friend trying to keep up. Repin was absolutely one of the all-time greats.](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EsyBhjbXcAQPSFz.jpg "Having read that letter, I'd encourage you to go back and look at the painting--the life and vivacity of these tough characters, as they brainstorm filthy insults, their one nerdy [literate] friend trying to keep up. Repin was absolutely one of the all-time greats.")
![Having read that letter, I'd encourage you to go back and look at the painting--the life and vivacity of these tough characters, as they brainstorm filthy insults, their one nerdy [literate] friend trying to keep up. Repin was absolutely one of the all-time greats.](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EsyBhj3XMAARaS0.jpg "Having read that letter, I'd encourage you to go back and look at the painting--the life and vivacity of these tough characters, as they brainstorm filthy insults, their one nerdy [literate] friend trying to keep up. Repin was absolutely one of the all-time greats.")
