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Will be watching the THIRD (why God) Burlington mayoral debate because I'm addicted to self harm, join me on this harrowing descent into the abyss if you dare
Joining a few minutes early, we are greeted by the budget spreadsheets of the damned and somebody named Kendra pretending to be excited about means tested education budget approvals, truly a harbinger of terrors to come
There are MORE mayoral candidates than ever before, six of them! Kill me please
@diengali leading things off with a dramatic entrance and referring to himself in the third person. Another mention of THE CHILDREN, following it up by saying "I have accomplished so much... by giving [children?] hope"
He also wants to eliminate racism, bring back the downtown improvement district, thinks taxes are too high, and will eliminate homelessness. Is interrupted by a 'hacker' who Googles 'porn gif'
'SHUT THE MEETING DOWN!'
now the 'hacker' is on pornhub
now the 'hacker' is on pornhub
HAHAHAHA they shut it down
Shout out to defeating the terrible mayor-thirsf zoom call by selflessly attempting to share pornography with your fellow townspeople
A true hero
Shout out to defeating the terrible mayor-thirsf zoom call by selflessly attempting to share pornography with your fellow townspeople
A true hero
Treated to this impeccable graphic design while holding music plays, we'll see if MayorFest 2k21 can recover from the relentless molestations of the Porn Bandit
We're back with some fucking guy named Patrick white (looks like a Redditor) explaining how we were all duped by the guiles of the Porn Bandit
Who could've foreseen that a local mayoral forum video chat run by senior citizens would be so easily interrupted
The sextegenarian zoom hosts feebly attempting to regain control of the proceedings and herd the various mayoral candidates back into the call is way better than listening to any of those fucking guys talk about how they condemn racism, I'll say that much
If I was @sevendaysvt I would go with the headline "pornography and chaos reign in early minutes of tedious conference call" but they're cowards so
Fuck yeah @diengali the Puppet Master using the porn bomb to try and get extra time: "i would love to have some extra time because it seems for the last few minutes people were not able to pay attention"
Patrick white exhibiting fierce adderall jaw and squinting angrily while implying a 'Karen' is responsible for the porno attack
@diengali uses his hard won extra thirty seconds to say he's been doing an incredible job and says he's been elected over and over and over again
Somebody play some menacing jaws type music, here's @MiroBTV who of course wants to hear about the rules
Bitch
Bitch
@MiroBTV 's opening statements are essentially that he's the law & order candidate, airing out petty grievances with city council for not approving his shitty plan to undo all momentum on police reform
It's everybody's favorite Good Boy @maxformayorbtv !!! He immediately mentions how paying taxes and running small businesses is hard
@maxformayorbtv has very obviously been practicing Showing Emotion in the mirror while reading this statement because his eyebrows are very furrowed and he's using inflection now
Patrick white, who I will not tag because he's not going to get more than 7% of the vote, wants you to know he is very focused on the sewage treatment plant
Patrick white, a hobo npc from gta 3, wants to put a building in the pit, says something about children's debt, and then is cut off by the mods
Lol Will Emmons, a man whos been basically kicked out of every bar in Burlington and also the post office, is running for mayor!!! He's got my vote
I'm not gonna shit on Will, he actually has some good points and I hope he's doing ok
Some absolutely terrifying camera angles from the elderly moderators on this zoom call, one of whom wonders if it's possible to act too quickly in building in The Pit
This Patrick white guy seems very confused
@MiroBTV on Pit Development : "what we're gonna build there is what the voters said they wanted there, which is homes and jobs and streets" then says it's all been "entirely at the developers expense" makes sense, he never knew how TIF bonds worked
@maxformayorbtv says a whole bunch of stuff that's very correct about the pit development (a layup question), looking like he's about to cry the whole time, while the moderators bully him
@diengali says some stuff not worth paying attention to about the pit
Local crazy person Erica redick attacks local unknown person Patrick white for espousing libertarian views on Facebook, jesus
Patrick white bitches about taxes and does the old "I gave no real ideology" tap dance
Some bald dude with an overly manicured goatee is willing to express support, publicly, for @bravestatevt
Yikes
Yikes
He also is right that taxes aren't really that high and that Tax Babies here should shut up, asks mayorally horny men how they plan to get more tax revenue while not starving everybody to death
Will Emmons says some weird stuff about getting more tax out of shoppers from Montreal and @maxformayorbtv says we should tax the rich
@diengali doesn't want to tax the wealthy, but "increase the tax base" somehow (more children maybe?) and also use the taxes "more wisely" so yeah, solid plan
@MiroBTV very judiciously uses his time to pursue political grievances against max and mention a bill literally nobody cares about, great use of time
Patrick white, a generic Lego man covered in cat hair, isn't doing too great a job de-levying accusations of Facebook Libertarianism by saying the taxes are indeed far too high
I'm really actually talking myself into will Emmons for mayor he just used the term "a fugazi"
@MiroBTV is actually debating these fools, which is good because the rest of these guys are still just making prepared statements, it's also bad because he's doing it in the whiniest, most aggrieved way possible
@maxformayorbtv defends @MiroBTV 's bitching! Real Debating! He's doing it by...
Huffily citing statistics
Huffily citing statistics
Hmmmm @diengali is continually being forgotten by the ancient white people running the debate
@diengali promises that when he's mayor he's gonna use the veto option against "partisan measures" such as cop reform like he's fuckin @GovPhilScott
Next question, from a Jake schuman, goes out of his way to unnecessarily shit on Patrick white and will Emmons by acknowledging they will "certainly not win" excellent job Jake
Not even going to bother summarizing these guys responses
Literally Father Time Himself asks @maxformayorbtv to answer the question "it seems like you're outspending your means, are you going to spend all the money?"
@maxformayorbtv , instead of reminding grandpa simpson that it's past 8 and thus past his bedtime, cites a "five year infrastructure plan"
A FIVE YEAR PLAN
Ok I'm back on the max bandwagon
A FIVE YEAR PLAN
Ok I'm back on the max bandwagon
@MiroBTV pandering to a skeleton with a wig on it: "you can both have prudent money management and very progressive goals" then Will Emmons fucking RKOs him by mentioning it took two years (not mentioning millions of dollars) to make city hall park the disappointment it is now
Ok that's it for the Very Bad No Good mayoral debate, not nearly enough porn or fighting for my tastes
