like I dunno, I see a lot of people praising Ta-Nehisi Coates for talking about not putting himself in situations where he's tempted to cheat on his wife

and like, can we talk for a moment about the Billy Graham rule and why it's NOT actually about respect for women?

and like, I'm picking on him saying this rather than picking on the million white male conservatives who say the same thing because unlike them, Coates is usually someone worth listening to

but like this whole "cheating starts at happy hour, not the hotel, so I don't put myself in that situation" take is, like, just a less overt way of saying "the presence of women makes spaces/events/etc. unsafe for men."

and like, okay, if you actually *cannot* control yourself at happy hour and your brain leaves your body in the presence of women and you simply *must* shtup them, you no longer have free will

then I suppose it makes sense for you not to attend happy hours

but can we be honest that you're still going to do that same socializing with the other men you were going to happy hour with?

but now you're just going to do it in a way that's inaccessible to women?

and so like you're still going to do all the networking stuff that happens at happy hour--not the formal networking, but the REAL networking, the REAL bonds that tend to matter for professional settings?

And, like, there's a whole separate--and important!--conversation to have here about the centrality of drinking culture to professional and social networking. It's absolutely a problem.

But while we live in a society where it remains central, "I'm not doing it with women" is

Like, hi, we're human beings with careers and our own lives and goals and stuff, not Temptation Obstacles For Men To Overcome Or Avoid

and the solution to men's unwillingness to control themselves--because that's really what's at issue here, we all have free will--always seems to be to exclude women

and yes, that includes men just deciding to remove themselves from professional-social situations

because, again, we all know you're still going to do the networking and friend-making

you're just going to take it somewhere inaccessible to us

and as long as the majority of power in our fields rests with men, that means the opportunities go with you

so, like, I dunno

maybe just

and hear me out here

when offered an opportunity to cheat on your spouse

don't?

like how long do we have to keep pretending that men are *unable* to control themselves, and therefore cannot be expected to control themselves?

instead of what it actually is, which is they just don't feel like it?

and like, look, the article this is from is from 2012 so I dunno why it's been in my Twitter feed multiple times today

but Coates' take seems to be being presented as a good alternative to the way Pence approached it

and like, no? it's actually the SAME APPROACH?