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I've noticed that a lot of us in our generation find excitement in home comfort items like rugs, candles, air fryers, and other "adulting" things. Did some thinking and came up with a theory for why that is. Here's a thread about the good those things psychologically do for us:
Obviously these are very normal things to own, but it seems like it's become a bit of a cultural phenomenon how much people in our age group really value items you might think of as nonessential. All the many memes about it speak for themselves. And I think it's a good thing.
I think there are multiple reasons we've come to really value these things. The first that comes to mind is related to the behavioral concept of "nesting". Nesting is an instinct usually associated with pregnant people cleaning/organizing their home in preparation for the...
...arrival of their baby. There's plenty on the internet to read about it, but it basically drives parents to make their house feel ready, feel safe, and most importantly, feel like home. The surface-level connection here is sure maybe...
...we're all similarly feeling a subtle urge to prepare our homes for building a family. But the deeper and more powerful connection I see is that, kids or no kids, we're subconsciously putting a lot of effort into trying to make our dwelling a place of security and comfort...
....We're trying to turn the place we live into one that gives belonging and true sense of home. If Luther Vandross could add an extra verse to his song, he wouldve said a house is not a home without a succulent or cute lights you found on Amazon strung up
In moving from being a dependent minor to being an independent adult (family psychology calls it "launching"), some subtle nesting makes a lot of sense. You suddenly need to build a new bubble of safety from scratch after launching from the one you've known your entire life...
So I think in this way, it's actually good and healthy. That really soft rug that you think accentuates the room is also actually helping you in this transition period of growing into a full, secure, independent adult. So that's one reason behind it all....
Another reason has to do with something very subconsciously powerful and behavior-altering: a sense of control. (This one is even more relevant in these COVID times). The world is a little scary and unpredictable to most people but especially to a young adult trying...
..to learn and figure it all out. So a sense of control can really make a difference. You might not fully understand your taxes yet but one more plant might just settle the chaos. You might not know what direction your career or education is supposed to go...
... but at least you have the perfect couch and living room setup. The world is hectic and seemingly expecting a lot from you, but at home, sitting by your huge tapestry and "beach walk" scented candle, you've got a total handle on things.
That sounds a little sarcastic, but practicing control in the areas that you do have some is really healthy. Sometimes good mental health means just convincing your brain and your worried feelings that you're doing pretty alright. If you're not yet sold on how...
..powerful a sense of control is, just think about any stereotypical difficult life event like a bad breakup or a dad in a midlife crisis. It wouldn't be shocking for new bangs or a new hair color to make an appearance after that breakup or for some of the family savings to....
...go towards a faster shinier car in response to the midlife crisis. When things are crazy and hard, you look for some ground to stand on, and I think that's alright (assuming these aren't harmful choices you're making).
To try to wrap up a thread that's getting to be longer than I intended, I lastly want to mention what tends to lurk behind every need for a sense of control: anxiety. Anxiety can be a vague and maybe undesirable word, but I think of it as a broad... https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2834184/
...category of feelings that might pass through us sometimes. And it can be translated into many things we might notice in ourselves: fear, worry, avoidance, distrust, insecurity, low self regard, and many more. Anxiety can be the culprit behind a lot of things we don't realize.
And exerting control is a really common way to cope. I think it's good to use the mechanisms that work. There's actually been research that suggests cleaning and decorating is proven to be helpful in managing anxiety https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0960982215006521
So feel free to get the perfect coffee maker or obsess over your air fryer or fill your home with books you're not reading. I don't expect them to solve all your problems but using/having those things can be a nice handrail to hold onto as you ascend to a happy adulthood.
Honorable mentions for other factors definitely at play:
-Capitalism (of course buying things feels good)
-Nesting for mate-attraction (several species do it)
-Boredom ('new' is always exciting)
-Unspecified international crisis (outside is closed so inside needs improvement)
-Capitalism (of course buying things feels good)
-Nesting for mate-attraction (several species do it)
-Boredom ('new' is always exciting)
-Unspecified international crisis (outside is closed so inside needs improvement)
