I was raised Mormon but we had caffeinated soda, swore, & watched R rated movies. We weren’t banned from face cards, Garbage Pail Kids, or the Simpsons. I don’t remember learning any harmful folklore at home. We believed the the church’s central tenets but weren’t weird about it.

I don’t remember hearing weird or gross stuff at church growing up or in seminary, but that’s also very likely because I wasn’t paying attention and slept through seminary. I didn’t go to EFY or those kinds of things. I took it seriously, but not too seriously.

Perhaps my lack of deep involvement protected me from some of the hurt and trauma my friends have experienced from growing up in the church. I didn’t have to carry as much baggage because I never really picked up many of the heavy bags.

I was a good missionary, loved teaching &helping people. I still love the people of my mission more than anything. But I wasn’t good at following the mission rules. I understood that the rules were not commandments and I soon learned being up at 6am had little to do with success.

My mission improved 100% for the better & I started finding real lasting success once I decided to start lying about my stats. They wanted to hear that I taught 20 discussions, so I told them that. But really I focused on teaching the right people the right things at right time.

I was district leader for a transfer or two and then asked to be released and never promoted. I didn’t want to be a ZL and I wasn’t the kind of guy to be an AP. I was interested in befriending people, helping them, and setting a good example of being loving and charitable.

I did hear and believe some of the harmful folklore from friends in my late teens and from other missionaries. But by my mid to late 20s, I had already thrown that stuff out. By the time I learned the bad and weird parts of church history, I wasn’t super bothered.

I was annoyed that the church kept much of it hidden and watered down a lot of it. The blacks in the priesthood stuff was insane. I disagree with the way many treat our lgbtqia+ siblings, but I had learned to separate the church from the gospel.

It also might have helped me that I was never invested enough to read and internalize books like Miracle of Forgiveness. I’ve always had faith but those books/teaching never captured my attention. And I never really bought into idolizing the brethren. This has saved me much pain.

These days I feel as close to the gospel as ever. Call it cafeteria or half-ass, but I engage with the church entity and ward members only as much as I need personally. Anything more would likely push me away. I don’t attend Elder’s Quorum. Primary is the only calling I’ll accept

While holding up my mirror I see that I should definitely be better at service - both in my ministering duties & in community service, helping people move and so forth. I believe that’s where the gospel is best practiced & I usually fall short, so I endeavor to improve this year.