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Something I’ve come to see as dangerous is the well-intentioned projection of optimism on people without the same privilege.
We like to call it “empowering” or “encouraging” but it’s really lazy-ass ego service masquerading as Having Done Something To Help.
Examples:
We like to call it “empowering” or “encouraging” but it’s really lazy-ass ego service masquerading as Having Done Something To Help.
Examples:
Telling a child they need to nicely set boundaries with an adult so that behavior changes. That’s an adult’s job.
(Noncustodial parents, I see you. This means “law permitting”. I know some of us have to let kids stay in tough situations because of the law. That’s so hard.)
(Noncustodial parents, I see you. This means “law permitting”. I know some of us have to let kids stay in tough situations because of the law. That’s so hard.)
Telling a church member to just believe the best of an abusive church leader.
You want to help? Get off your duff and go into the office with the person you’re presuming to counsel.
Stop silencing abuse reports with your comfy fiction that all people mean well. (They don’t.)
You want to help? Get off your duff and go into the office with the person you’re presuming to counsel.
Stop silencing abuse reports with your comfy fiction that all people mean well. (They don’t.)
Telling a mother to opt into homelessness and lack of access to medical care during a pandemic by attempting to divorce through backed-up courts.
Unless you’re personally paying for housing and medical, that peer pressure is rank privilege.
Unless you’re personally paying for housing and medical, that peer pressure is rank privilege.
Telling anyone to “just be optimistic” when their past experience has been traumatic.
Telling people to “just take a leap of faith” when they’ve got broken legs from the last one.
Don’t.
Telling people to “just take a leap of faith” when they’ve got broken legs from the last one.
Don’t.
Are we serving people, or our egos?
If we tell people to be optimistic, we’re denying their pain while protecting ourselves.
If we hear a problem and feel a need for a fix that costs them everything and us nothing, then we’re serving ourselves.
Check your privilege.
If we tell people to be optimistic, we’re denying their pain while protecting ourselves.
If we hear a problem and feel a need for a fix that costs them everything and us nothing, then we’re serving ourselves.
Check your privilege.
