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A thread of common boundary pushing things clients do and what forms they might take.
If you have the capacity, write a response under each entry so others may have it in their toolkits when the time comes
p.s. Feel free to add your own entry! This is by no means exhaustive! https://twitter.com/backstagebiddy/status/1354208503829827586
If you have the capacity, write a response under each entry so others may have it in their toolkits when the time comes
p.s. Feel free to add your own entry! This is by no means exhaustive! https://twitter.com/backstagebiddy/status/1354208503829827586
Also to preface this, we don't all have the ability to be blunt with clients. In an ideal world, we could without jeopardizing our income but sometimes we can't. Sometimes it's not safe and part of our job is to quickly assess our safety while also keeping our bills in mind.
Common phrases/tactics used in subtle manipulation:
- "Wouldn't you like that?"
- "Don't you agree?"
- Playing dumb
- Gaslighting
- "I didn't mean it like THAT"
- Overemphasizing "we" (e.g. we have so much fun) or "our" (e.g. our connection) when you bring up a boundary
- "Wouldn't you like that?"
- "Don't you agree?"
- Playing dumb
- Gaslighting
- "I didn't mean it like THAT"
- Overemphasizing "we" (e.g. we have so much fun) or "our" (e.g. our connection) when you bring up a boundary
TRYING TO BE EARLY aka
- "I'm downstairs"
- "Are you ready yet?"
- "Looks like traffic was light today! I'm a bit early!"
- Just knocking on the door early
- Texting/calling before the appointment time
- "I'm downstairs"
- "Are you ready yet?"
- "Looks like traffic was light today! I'm a bit early!"
- Just knocking on the door early
- Texting/calling before the appointment time
TRYING TO STAY LATE aka
- Just plain overstaying
- Starting a new story as they're tying their shoes
- "You don't have anyone after this, do you?"
- Being your last appointment of the day
- Just plain overstaying
- Starting a new story as they're tying their shoes
- "You don't have anyone after this, do you?"
- Being your last appointment of the day
FREE CHAT/EMOTIONAL LABOUR aka
- Literally anything that isn't a quick message to arrange another date
- Checking in
- "You can always talk to me"
- Frequent DMs on social, texts, emails, etc
- Literally anything that isn't a quick message to arrange another date
- Checking in
- "You can always talk to me"
- Frequent DMs on social, texts, emails, etc
ASKING FOR DISCOUNT aka
- Talking sadly about their budget/job/bills
- Trying to get money back if they have to leave early
- Bad "arrangements"
- Guilting you with gifts
- Saying they would like some appreciation for wanting to spend more time with you
- Talking sadly about their budget/job/bills
- Trying to get money back if they have to leave early
- Bad "arrangements"
- Guilting you with gifts
- Saying they would like some appreciation for wanting to spend more time with you
TRYING TO GET PERSONAL INFO aka
- Just straight up asking about your personal business
- "You should trust me by now"
- "Since we're going to be friends for a while"
- Walking you to your car or offering to drive you home
- "I'm just being nice/curious/wondering"
- Just straight up asking about your personal business
- "You should trust me by now"
- "Since we're going to be friends for a while"
- Walking you to your car or offering to drive you home
- "I'm just being nice/curious/wondering"
ASKING FOR OFF THE CLOCK TIME aka
- Guilting you by claiming a former escort let him have off the clock time
- Wanting to see if your connection is real
- "I just happen to be downtown and was wondering if you were around for a quick coffee"
- Guilting you by claiming a former escort let him have off the clock time
- Wanting to see if your connection is real
- "I just happen to be downtown and was wondering if you were around for a quick coffee"
