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Another attack of the White Woman Tears™ at work.
My VERY Midwestern podmate is occasionally chirping about random things in her life to the back my head. All my tasks are complete, breakfast is in my belly, I'm well caffeinated, my patients are tucked... the moment is good
My VERY Midwestern podmate is occasionally chirping about random things in her life to the back my head. All my tasks are complete, breakfast is in my belly, I'm well caffeinated, my patients are tucked... the moment is good
And there is a rare silence in the psych zone...
But then...
*squeak squeak squeak*
She rolls her chair next to me and I hear the question that makes me freeze, inhale so deep & close my eyes like I was sleep: "Hey, Can I ask you a question?"
You already know
...
But then...
*squeak squeak squeak*
She rolls her chair next to me and I hear the question that makes me freeze, inhale so deep & close my eyes like I was sleep: "Hey, Can I ask you a question?"
You already know
...
"We're friends. (We are, in fact, not. We are friendly at work) I can ask you. I know you speak on this a lot, how if somebody sees a face that looks like theirs, they will listen (Umm, what?). I had a patient the other day, a Black man. He had asthma.
(This was her full description of him. No age. No physical traits. Nothing else besides "Black man") I was trying to do the covid-19 test on him but he kept turning his head away and eventually flat out refused it. I tried to convince him of its importance along with the doctor
but he adamantly refused. Eventually, he said he just didn't want it because it feels terrible and he even doesn't care if he dies, he just does not want to do the test. I wanted to, but you weren't working that day so I couldn't get you to talk to him but what should I said?
What could I have done differently? I just didn't know what else to say to him."
When I tell you locked all the way up and I did not turn my head a single millimeter to her...how SO much concentration went into controlling my breathing and annoyance in order to give a coherent
When I tell you locked all the way up and I did not turn my head a single millimeter to her...how SO much concentration went into controlling my breathing and annoyance in order to give a coherent
and thorough Read while recognizing that I have many years left to work with this person...
"FIRST, if you had gotten me that day that would have been the absolute WRONG thing to do. He never said he wasn't taking the test because of distrust of you, of the doctor or because
"FIRST, if you had gotten me that day that would have been the absolute WRONG thing to do. He never said he wasn't taking the test because of distrust of you, of the doctor or because
of your race. All of that came from within you. YOU projected that onto him. He gave no indication for you to have assumed that. He was very clear why he didn't want the swab with a very legitimate and relatable reason. What could you have done differently? How about Your Job!?"
What would you have done if he were white? Who would you have gotten then?" I feel is important to include that she was touching my arm frequently (!) while hearing this, and offering some incoherent speech fragments AND continuing trying to talk over me instead of listening.
It must have dawned on her that she might have Done a Racism because when she next opened her mouth to reply, maybe two words made it out... then the White Woman Tears™ started to flow and her speech devolved into blubbering.
I have said it before here, in my telling of one of the last
couple times a WW coworker was crying in front of me because of HER actions or words: I consider White Woman Tears™ in these situations an act of violence, a threat towards me
and...
I. DO. NOT. TOLERATE. IT.
couple times a WW coworker was crying in front of me because of HER actions or words: I consider White Woman Tears™ in these situations an act of violence, a threat towards meand...
I. DO. NOT. TOLERATE. IT.
They will receive no "it's okay" or "buck up there" or a comforting hand on the shoulder. No, screw that. I told her very clearly and bluntly "You need to stop crying IMMEDIATELY. If you can't, then you need to get TF away from me NOW."
She apologized & pretty much immediately ceased crying, further testament to the weaponization & intentional use of the Tears™. She continued to try to justify her idea to come & get me to talk to him by comparing it to a Muslim female patient arriving wearing a burka or hajib
and how she automatically tries to assign them a female nurse. I let her know that, at least in the last 5 years, I have not had a Muslim female patient tell me I cannot provide care for them and that they must have a female nurse, highlighting again how she ignores
a person's autonomy & projects her presumptions on to them, much how she ignored the initial Black male patient's when he gave a legitimate reason for not wanting the test... But his decision and autonomy was not prioritized over her desires.
I was in a pretty good place prior to this, y'all. Then she came and dumped this new weight on my shoulders, wrecking my mood, making me deep breathe and changing my emotional trajectory of my next few hours. I didn't ask or volunteer for this...but
it...
keeps....
happening....
it...
keeps....
happening....
