Read on Twitter
Starting an ongoing thread about perfectionism 
Learning about perfectionism so far has felt like discovering the key to unlocking how to even begin to fix the internal struggles that dominate my adulthood mind. This is incredible, and I can't wait to start working on it. 1/
Learning about perfectionism so far has felt like discovering the key to unlocking how to even begin to fix the internal struggles that dominate my adulthood mind. This is incredible, and I can't wait to start working on it. 1/
On one hand, I knew I was a perfectionist, on the other, I had no idea I was. Shame, rigid criticism of others & myself, the inability to feel fulfilled/proud, procrastination/paralysis, constant focus on inadequacy. Starting here really helped: https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-you-may-be-a-perfectionist-3145233
This was a good next place to go after the above article. It dug a little more in depth and touched a little on where to start in shifting your mindset. A lot in here that started to click https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-adaptive-mind/201902/how-conquer-perfectionism-it-conquers-you 3/
An eye-opening part in the Psychology Today article above, was the 'Find Meaning, Not Perfection' part. I've recognized an internal struggle I've had for years now between being satisfied with simplicity/a mundane life vs. an ideal/the concept of a perfect/extraordinary life. 4/
A lesson from learning about perfectionism, is that it's an obstacle to being a 'high achiever' - you just don't accomplish as much as you'd like / as much as others might b/c you get paralyzed from a fear of failure. So you don't start or you get stuck. 5/
This article offers some concrete practices to start changing a perfectionist mindset: https://www.verywellmind.com/overcoming-perfectionism-how-to-work-past-perfectionism-3144700 6/
This article was a little difficult for me to wrap my mind around since it's more about the research/science. In short, it discusses the link between perfectionist thinking and depression & anxiety https://www.psypost.org/2020/08/study-sheds-light-on-how-perfectionism-can-be-maladaptive-through-beliefs-about-worry-and-rumination-57791 7/
The psypost article above mentions an app that one of the researchers developed called Coping Coach (lol) that I think I'll give a try https://apps.apple.com/app/id1509494351 8/
Social media plays a big role in a perfectionist mindset. The way folks speak in certainties, pointing out when someone is 'wrong' & that they are 'right'--the constant picking at. And of course the idea of physical perfection that it shoves down our throats. 9/
I personally also feel the mere idea of having an 'audience' gives me a daily practice of perfectionism, constantly thinking what others think of what I'm sharing & being afraid I might say something wrong, and god knows that can't be helpful in trying to break this cycle 10/
I associate personal validation / self-esteem with the likes I get, and it's something that I crave. I want to break this, and it helps to know that that strong desire for validation stems from perfectionism. Low self-esteem is a huge part of perfectionism. 11/
Even now, I'm like why has no one liked any of these tweets lol 12/
This has all been extra-clicking for me b/c I've been working with a career-coach over the last few months, & one thing we got to the root of is the paralysis & avoidance that happens in me when it comes to pursuing a career. We pinpointed that it comes from fear of failure 13/
She's been working with me to help me adopt a mindset that it's okay to fail, even if I invest money and time into pursuing a certain career. Even if I spent a couple of years in a particular job already. It's okay to start over if it doesn't work out. 14/
This is something both she and I recognize has especially weighed on me as a 1st gen latinx. Even if my parents never said they were disappointed in me or that I was messing up, I had all these rigid ideas and rules that I set upon myself. Heavy heavy stuff 15/
One avenue reading these articles has sent me is @BreneBrown. This makes so much sense b/c I have a perfectionist family member, and they are a big Brene Brown fan. I just had no idea what she was all about. This is exciting b/c I hear she's good & she has a lot of content. 16/
I started here, I think her first Ted Talk, which directly talks abt perfectionism & how it manifests, along with some things you can do to change it. It's called the Power of Vulnerability (makes sense b/c perfectionism is an obstacle to vulnerability!)
One thing she talks about is how the avoidance of vulnerability leads to isolation or a lack of connections, which is a huge obstacle I've faced as a perfectionist. I'm not able to open up to people b/c I'm afraid of rejection. I wish it wasn't this way... 18/
I struggle making friends, I struggle keeping friends, I struggle deepening friendships, I feel nearly incapable of making professional relationships, I struggle with trying not to put all of my social needs onto one person (my partner)... 19/
I've always deeply longed for having a close friend group, friends that were close like family members, kind of like I've seen on tv (lol perfectionist idealism), and I've just never been able to do that... 20/
I think this is why I've always always relied on the internet as a substitute for that, which it isn't really, but it's sustained an illusion/some elements of human connection for me all these years 21/
TV has also played that substitute 22/
In processing all of this, funny enough, I think perfectionism is what makes me a fantastic editor. Mistakes don't get past me, and I'm excellent in reviewing how an audience might be critical of a piece. This is weird for me b/c I've prided myself on that 23/
On the other side of it, I've been thinking about how it just doesn't let me enjoy things. Like we watched Into the Spiderverse this weekend, and my bf asked me what I thought. And for some reason I focused on all negative things--even though it's a masterpiece!? 24/
There are so many good things I could say about it, and I didn't. One of those articles mentions how a critical outlook is another way perfectionism isolates people -- because it drives others away from them. I agree, who wants to be around that? I hate it, I want to change 25/
I'll add more to this thread over time, but to end it on a positive note today, a favorite 'it's okay to not be perfect' talks is @tavitulle's 'still figuring it out' talk
