Thread by @prateek_music, A lot of white people understand "white privilege" and "representation matters" but [...]

A lot of white people understand "white privilege" and "representation matters" but they might not always grasp how exhausting it is to feel constantly different from everyone else and to never get a break from being "other."

Thread (that none of you fuckers will read) 1/-

I grew up in one painfully white suburb of Boston before moving to another painfully white suburb of Boston. Throughout my life, I struggled making friends. I still do, honestly. (2/-)

When I was nineteen, I came out as bisexual. But I didn't feel like I had anything in common with almost entirely white queer population on my college campus. Noticing a pattern yet? (3/-)

I started playing music I'd written after I graduated college. My favorite open mic was in Cambridge, MA. I was the only Indian person there for about three years. Almost everyone else was white. (4/-)

It wasn't until I went to @subdriftboston that I found a community of South Asian folks who were as strange and weird and queer and artistic as I was. Playing on their stage for the first time was wild because I was playing to an audience that mostly looked like me. (5/-)

But @subdriftboston can't be everywhere. That's not their job. It's a simple fact of living in a very white region of a very white country: most of the people in my life are white. Most of the people in my life are different from me. And I from them. (6/-)

sidenote: @subdriftboston is actually one of many open mics operating under the name "Subcontinental Drift" established by and for South Asian artists! They're wonderful and widespread, but we're still a minority. I digress. (7/-)

The fact of the matter is that every social situation I am is exhausting and anxiety-inducing because I am always painfully aware of how different I am from white people and struggling to find common ground. Without, of course, looking like I'm struggling. Gotta be chill. (8/-)

This is even more true when I'm on stage. My brother has often described white people loving my music as loving "a dancing bear." He's not wrong. (9/-)

Constantly being on guard has made me feel like a freak and has affected everything I do. I wear Old Navy Jeans and Target-brand sweaters so that I look boring and plain. I avoid using too many emoji when I type - or using too many, if that's what the other person does (10/-)

I try to blend in. And I speak out about being brown when I have no other choice. I can't hide the color of my skin that easily. (11/-)

And I keep to myself because it's less exhausting to withdraw than to constantly feel like I am justifying my existence. And it sucks. Because I like people and I like community and I like having friends.

But most communities are not made for me. (12/-)

Incidentally, all these thinkpieces about how pandemic life is so isolating infuriate me. Wow. I'm so sorry you felt like you belonged somewhere and now a deadly disease is just now getting in the way of you having a good time

(13/-)

Anyway. I'm tired. I'm always tired. I have depression and ADD and I'm grieving my recently deceased mom but even before those things, I was always alone and painfully aware of how different I was. (14/-)

Shoutout to disabled and trans folks, who probably feel this even more so.

Witty/scathing final sentence. (15/15)

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