Just sat, bored out of my skull at the monotony of my existence and my brain just decided to remind me of when Spousal Unit's cousin brought HER OWN LOAF OF BREAD AND GRAVY GRANULES TO MY FUCKING WEDDING AND I CANT EVEN...
...We hired (not cheap) caterers to feed everyone, naturally, the caterers faffed on to accommodate the one guest who was intolerant of basically all human consumables, ensured she had her own isolated, specially sourced ingredients etc...
...The lengths you have to go to when your spouse's cousin sends a DOUBLE SIDED sheet of A4 to you with their RSVP, listing (even citing medical records) every single item in the known universe that she was "allergic" to. Because that's exactly what I needed when....
...I was simultaneously planning a wedding to keep everyone happy AND keep a newborn Crotch Goblin alive. BONZA.
Picture the scene if you will...
I'm stressed out of my box, a photographer is trying to take photos of me getting shoe horned into my wedding dress...
...my mum's having a literal meltdown because the hair and make-up lady didn't do her hair or make-up the way she likes, my dad who's looking after tiny Crotch Goblin is talking about the benefits of a good single malt on the gums or dummies of babies, and my future husband...
...is stood (with his back to me) explaining that his dad is still really reluctant to wear the kilt because he's self conscious of his varicose veins and is it ok if he changes into his staypress trews...CUE SPOUSE'S COUSIN who waltzes into the bridal accomodation...
...wielding a loaf of "special" bread and a small plastic baggy filled with "special" gravy granules that she's brought with her, to Northumberland from Southampton. "HI CUZ, WHERE SHOULD I PUT THESE?"
Apparently "up your arse, sideways" wasn't the most helpful response. Who knew?

Said cousin and that part of Spousal Unit's family haven't been in touch since funnily enough.
Imagine...a small baggy of gravy granules. Like some Bisto cartel boss.
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