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Dealing with deadbeat parents, you're often torn between the principle of it & pragmatism: he shouldn't be allowed to shirk responsibility vs I'll take what I can get vs life is more peaceful when he's not around. Ultimately, what's best for the child *in practice* is what counts
Some things I've learned:
1. Use the courts if you have to. Maintenance is the child's legal right. You'll have to decide if it's worth it
2. Encourage involvement: but don't allow inconsistency or flakiness. You're in, or you're out.
1. Use the courts if you have to. Maintenance is the child's legal right. You'll have to decide if it's worth it
2. Encourage involvement: but don't allow inconsistency or flakiness. You're in, or you're out.
3. Don't give deadbeat (or more importantly, your child) *any* reason to complain that you got in the way of their relationship. Document everything. Stay calm. If there's drama, it won't be because of you. You will bite your tongue a lot & eventually be glad that you did.
4. Sometimes it's NOT in child's best interest to be around them: abuse, substance abuse etc. If courts are not yet involved, a situation like this might be reason to bring them in. A dangerous parent is not better than no parent.
5. Being flaked on is going to hurt your child, every time, forever. Hold them, love them, you'll say I'm sorry, I don't know why a lot. This part sucks the most. Eventually, they come to their own conclusions abt the deadbeat & make peace with it. It takes long.
6. No matter how distraught or angry you are, in every situation imagine having to defend your actions or words in court, and to your child. It sucks having to be the better person. It is however the only way.
DO NOT ever mention deadbeat's new partner in an argument. Unless that partner is specifically doing something bad to *your child* - they do not need to exist in your world. Ex is the one responsible for managing the ppl they bring in to your child's life, not you.
8. One day you might find that deadbeat just... fades away. There comes a point where you can't force a person to want to be a parent. It won't make any sense to you. BUT. On the positive side, child now has less daily upheaval, drama & uncertainty in their lives. That is big.
