I just finished watching “It’s a Sin”, a Channel 4 series about a group of friends living in London in the 80s during the unfolding AIDS epidemic. It’s certainly aptly titled and after watching it I feel sad, angry and strangely uncomfortable. #ItsASin

It brings me back to when I emerged, tentatively, onto the Dublin gay scene in 1994, aged 23. I wonder, if it had been ten years earlier would I have died from AIDS, like so many others. I didn’t even realise in 1994, that so many on the gay scene must have lost friends #ItsASin

and loved ones to AIDS or that many faces were absent, dead years before their time. I met many gay men in my time who were living with the gay parts of their lives concealed from family, work colleagues and friends, living with a constant hum of fear and shame. I was one such

man. The underlying feeling was shame, a deep pulsating shame. And fear. I recall the first few times I went to The George. Pacing up and down George’s Street, heart pounding, petrified that someone, on a bus or in traffic, might know me and see me going inside. #ItsASin

I recall, too, the heightened sense of shame and self loathing that ensued for days afterwards. When I told my family in 1996, my Mother’s only concern was that nobody else should know - aunts, uncles, cousins, friends. Her shame was poured over me, seeping into every

pore, telling me that I was bad and flawed. If on that occasion, instead of coming out, I had to tell them I had AIDS, I honestly believe their shame would have propelled them to walk away. To do otherwise would have meant revealing the shame, not even my

homosexuality, but the fact that I had sex with men. Sex. It would have been so much for them to bear that not even the love they had for their child would probably have won out over their shame. Shame damages and destroys. It causes hurt and pain. It smashes self worth and

self esteem and thwarts potential. That so much shame stemmed from sex and sexuality is simply insane, when you think about it. Whoever turned sex and sexuality into something so shameful has a lot to answer for. That thousands of people with AIDS died alone because #ItsASin

their families were too ashamed to be there is a much greater sin than the sex or sexuality involved in catching the horrible disease. Of that I am certain. There are some people who cynically question the need for Pride, now that homosexuals have all the rights they #ItsASin

need. Of course, they resent those rights as they whinge about homosexuality being shoved in their faces. Pride is still needed because for many, shame related to sexuality still exists, as do those would gladly reimpose and reinforce that shame #ItsASin

if they were given half a chance. It’s such a tragedy that shame was the reason so many died alone and the reason so many of their loved ones were left with guilt, turmoil and pain knowing, in their hearts, what they did was wrong. It’s not only a sin, it’s a tragedy. #ItsASin