Autonomy is attractive and sexy. I want you to always be where you want, doing what makes you feel your best, and I appreciate when that’s with me. But love means I want you free, I want you authentic, I want you honest, I want you full, not necessarily with me or with me only.

If I love you, I’m actively supporting you being your best, most true self. I’m affirming that, harm obviously excluded, you deserve happiness and fulfillment as you define it. That won’t always meet every single need I have. It won’t always soothe or boost my ego.

These mid30s feel so secure. I’m clear about being attractive, lovable/loving, interesting, enjoyable, caring, open. And not because I’ve been partnered for all of my 30s thus far, though that’s been beautiful, but because I see I’ve always been those things. I’ve always been.

I’ve spent years detaching who I am from how I’ve been treated. I’ve also spent years releasing myself from competition, in life generally and in love specifically.

It’s ongoing work, honestly. Maybe it’s lifelong work.