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No matter how thirsty you are, Stay away from home made alcohol called "Umtshovalale"
That shit called almost Sent me to Jesus during lock down level 5
#Thread
That shit called almost Sent me to Jesus during lock down level 5
#Thread
The khantri closed before I could even buy myself booze.
This one Saturday while I was busy painting my house I kept on seeing people passing by house drunk.. Kanjani kodwa the khantri is closed
This one Saturday while I was busy painting my house I kept on seeing people passing by house drunk.. Kanjani kodwa the khantri is closed
Couldn't even ask them cause they were fkn wasted, they couldn't even feel their eyes
I then went to look around and see where they were coming from, I really needed a drink
Finally found the house just 2 streets away from my house...you wouldn't notice it was a Tarven, there was a lady sitting on a chair outside.k
Finally found the house just 2 streets away from my house...you wouldn't notice it was a Tarven, there was a lady sitting on a chair outside.k
Kodwa inside 
bezisiwa bafethut
bezisiwa bafethut
The lady outside asked me to go buy her some stuff at the supermarket, in return she'll allow me to enter and give me free booze.. WTF I said ok
She wrote down a list of what looked like Stationary and school stuff for her child
She wrote down a list of what looked like Stationary and school stuff for her child
The list consisted of the following
10kg brown suger
X5 dry yeast
X2 pairs black shoes (toughees)
X2 Grey vests (13/14 years)
X4 underwear (XXXL)
X2 Bra (F Cup)
X10 Pineapples
1L Honey
The list looked dodgy
10kg brown suger
X5 dry yeast
X2 pairs black shoes (toughees)
X2 Grey vests (13/14 years)
X4 underwear (XXXL)
X2 Bra (F Cup)
X10 Pineapples
1L Honey
The list looked dodgy
No sweat so I bought the stuff and came back.
Fast forward.. The lady did as promised, she brought the booze in a 5L container
haibo mamzo nge Mbombosi akuphi ama bodlela
"It's lock down mfanaka, drink or vaya"
Fast forward.. The lady did as promised, she brought the booze in a 5L container
haibo mamzo nge Mbombosi akuphi ama bodlela"It's lock down mfanaka, drink or vaya"
WTF I had my first glass I went from being sober to being half dead in 2 seconds
Second glass I could see my intestines turning purple
I went from being sober to being half dead in 2 seconds Second glass I could see my intestines turning purple
Usatana eTarven umbona nge short hair ene dye 
I gave her R200 to buy another 5L, she went to the Toilet, put on a wig and joined another table and left me standing there
I gave her R200 to buy another 5L, she went to the Toilet, put on a wig and joined another table and left me standing there
It was after my 3rd glass when all helli broke loose.. I started cry saying I want to go home
It was not long till police budged in
they beat us all up and kicked us out
they beat us all up and kicked us out
i just took 2 steps outside zaya phantsi, I could barely walk
While outside they carried out the drum that had the alcohol inside and poured it out on the street.. Heban!!! That list I was given by the lady kanti all that was part of the ingredients shoes, bras, underwear, vests
kanti all that was part of the ingredients shoes, bras, underwear, vests
Now that kaak was to find my house I forgot where my house was..i looked for my house for 3 days, all time I was looking for a White house for a forgetting that before I went to drink I just finished changing the color of my house from white to blues
I forgot where my house was..i looked for my house for 3 days, all time I was looking for a White house for a forgetting that before I went to drink I just finished changing the color of my house from white to blues
Same police caught up with me wondering the streets, they locked me in the van and I passed.... When I woke up I saw burglars 
I spent whole night crying and screaming for my rights while holding the burglar door thinking I was in a police cell
I spent whole night crying and screaming for my rights while holding the burglar door thinking I was in a police cell
Everytime I shouted "Constable I'm innocent" I'd hear a voice saying "hey Voetsek uyangxola sifuna ulala thina sunanoko"
Translation :- Please wear your masks Covid-19 is dangerous
Translation :- Please wear your masks Covid-19 is dangerous
I thought it was other criminals in the next jail cell kanti ngu Makhelwane eNext door all this time I was in my house thinking ndise Police station Umtshovalale is dangerous
all this time I was in my house thinking ndise Police station Umtshovalale is dangerous
The other guy who was seated next to me, his family found him at the graveyards crying at a grave of someone he doesn't even know, busy crying "Gone too soon" kodwa the person died in 1984 when he was ran over by a white Polo outside Soccer city during the 2010 FIFA world cup
