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Sex Ed Sunday: Affirming Consent and Boundaries after sexual violence; thread
Re-affirming personal boundaries and engaging with consent education can help survivors process the trauma of sexual violence.
In the wake of sexual violence, it can be difficult to reconnect with your sexuality in a healthy way.
In the wake of sexual violence, it can be difficult to reconnect with your sexuality in a healthy way.
Experiencing sexual violence, amongst other things, can:
- Trigger feelings of shame and self-blame
- Fracture your sense of self
- To feel safe and secure during sexual activity
- Make it difficult to engage sexually
- Trigger feelings of shame and self-blame
- Fracture your sense of self
- To feel safe and secure during sexual activity
- Make it difficult to engage sexually
Any type of sexual violence can change a survivor’s relationship to their sexuality, so it is important to do wide-ranging check-ins to explore if trauma has created new boundaries or excluded activities that used to be comfortable for you.
Checking in will allow time to recover and redefine any necessary boundary changes before engaging in physical or sexual intimacy with anyone.
Revisiting consent boundaries DOES NOT MEAN:
- That your boundaries were not clear enough before
- That you did not understand consent
- That you are to blame for your experience
- That your boundaries were not clear enough before
- That you did not understand consent
- That you are to blame for your experience
What might have changed after sexual violence?:
- How you like to be kissed
- How and where you like to be touched
- What sexual acts are comfortable for you
- How you like to be hugged or held
- Changes in language
- Trauma triggers may arise
- How you like to be kissed
- How and where you like to be touched
- What sexual acts are comfortable for you
- How you like to be hugged or held
- Changes in language
- Trauma triggers may arise
How can you start this process?:
- Engaging in consent education classes or activists, which can empower you and reassure you.
- Write down all sensations, touches and types of affection that still feel good.
- Identify any behaviours that no longer feel comfortable.
- Engaging in consent education classes or activists, which can empower you and reassure you.
- Write down all sensations, touches and types of affection that still feel good.
- Identify any behaviours that no longer feel comfortable.
How can you start this process? (cont.):
- Revisit any pre-existing boundaries and triggers so that you can re-affirm these.
- Write out in detail what consent means to you as an individual and repeat it regularly as a mantra.
- Revisit any pre-existing boundaries and triggers so that you can re-affirm these.
- Write out in detail what consent means to you as an individual and repeat it regularly as a mantra.
How can you start this process? (cont.):
- If it feels necessary, take a short/long break from any partnered sexual activity so that you can focus on what feels good for you as an individual.
- Focus on self-pleasure and self-soothing.
- If it feels necessary, take a short/long break from any partnered sexual activity so that you can focus on what feels good for you as an individual.
- Focus on self-pleasure and self-soothing.
How can you start this process? (cont.):
- Starting this process during solo-pleasure will create a safe environment for you and will prepare you to establish these boundaries/have a conversation with any sexual partners.
- Starting this process during solo-pleasure will create a safe environment for you and will prepare you to establish these boundaries/have a conversation with any sexual partners.
How can you start this process? (cont.):
- Discuss your boundaries with family members and friends to ensure that they are aware of any new triggers and can support you.
- Discuss your boundaries with family members and friends to ensure that they are aware of any new triggers and can support you.
Resources:
- https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/dating-after-sexual-assault_l_5d11054ee4b0aa375f51187e
- https://www.researchgate.net/publication/326485630_Post-Abuse_Boundary_Renegotiation_Healing_and_Reclaiming_Self_After_Intimate_Partner_Violence
- https://schoolofsexed.org/
- https://www.sexeducationforum.org.uk/about/partners/school-sexuality-education
- https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/dating-after-sexual-assault_l_5d11054ee4b0aa375f51187e
- https://www.researchgate.net/publication/326485630_Post-Abuse_Boundary_Renegotiation_Healing_and_Reclaiming_Self_After_Intimate_Partner_Violence
- https://schoolofsexed.org/
- https://www.sexeducationforum.org.uk/about/partners/school-sexuality-education
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