Tom Bombadil was doing all the entwives

It’s true, he had a little song about it.



“Hey-o, lengthy log
Tom Bombadill-o
I show them my hog
Every oak and willow

The entwives all say I’m the man
I am their sun and water
They all say I’m much better than
That dickhead Harry Potter”

Also, I don’t know why I wasn’t asked to write for the new Lord of the Rings tv show.

Turns out, all the ents were super hasty about ONE THING.

“Hey-o, derry drought
My Goldberry, will you?
Or are you still upset about
That time I gave you mildew?

I got it from an entwive who
I serviced stem to tree-top
Her bawdy bark, her morning dew
It certainly made me pop”