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How to help a suicidal loved one (family/friend/colleague):
Suicidal thoughts & intentions can happen acutely (in a matter of hours) but often there are days or weeks where that person has waves of suicidal ideations.
How can you help? By normalising the conversation.
Suicidal thoughts & intentions can happen acutely (in a matter of hours) but often there are days or weeks where that person has waves of suicidal ideations.
How can you help? By normalising the conversation.
If you're worried someone is suicidal, straight up ask them so you know what you're dealing with! I can't tell you how many people I've helped by being direct.
Remind them that it's ok if the answer is "yes" & that you're there for them.
Thank them for being honest with you.
Remind them that it's ok if the answer is "yes" & that you're there for them.
Thank them for being honest with you.
Whilst it's tempting, try not to immediately signpost ie tell them to call the Samaritans as it can come across as dismissive.
In the first instance listen &if you don't know what to say, be honest & say that!
They want to be heard as a person, not 'treated' as a condition.
In the first instance listen &if you don't know what to say, be honest & say that!
They want to be heard as a person, not 'treated' as a condition.
If you know the person well then ask them to rate the intensity of their suicidal thoughts from 1-10 & agree a specific action for a specific number i.e 10 means not letting them out of your sight.
It allows communication of thoughts/intent without fear of being judged.
It allows communication of thoughts/intent without fear of being judged.
If you live/work with the person, include them in whatever action you take i.e. tell them you're removing razors/cords from the house or that you're going to explain things to your manager.
There's a difference in supporting the person & believing you know what's best for them.
There's a difference in supporting the person & believing you know what's best for them.
Try not to 'fix' their issues in the immediacy. They are not thinking clearly enough to handle looking at their problems objectively; remove responsibility, don't add to it.
That means that signposting them to counselling etc needs to wait until the distress has eased.
That means that signposting them to counselling etc needs to wait until the distress has eased.
Instead of telling them to call their GP or go to A&E, offer to call their GP on their behalf or go with them to the hospital.
Create a network around that person.
Contact other family members/friends/colleagues sharing what's going on & ask everyone to keep each other posted.
Create a network around that person.
Contact other family members/friends/colleagues sharing what's going on & ask everyone to keep each other posted.
If you can empathise with their pain, share your experience if you feel able to, to let them know they're not alone.
I'm chronically suicidal so when one of my men is suffering, they know I can relate & it helps they don't have to struggle to articulate their feelings.
I'm chronically suicidal so when one of my men is suffering, they know I can relate & it helps they don't have to struggle to articulate their feelings.
Use dark humour if you feel it appropriate; it breaks the ice on the conversation.
After one friend tried to kill himself, he told me he would "always be there" for me. "Until you kill yourself" was my reply.
Suicidal people are still people who can laugh.
After one friend tried to kill himself, he told me he would "always be there" for me. "Until you kill yourself" was my reply.
Suicidal people are still people who can laugh.
Don't guilt-save people & by that I mean, don't say "but think of your kids/family/friends"; they're already feeling bad enough without an unnecessary guilt trip & the above could be reasons for their suicidal ideation.
Try "I'm glad you're still alive, if you're not"
Try "I'm glad you're still alive, if you're not"
Know that it's extremely normal for everyone to consider suicide at some point in life & some of the 'least likely' people you know will have attempted it.
Suicidal feelings aren't weakness but often natural responses to severe life stressors.
Suicidal feelings aren't weakness but often natural responses to severe life stressors.
Remember that sometimes suicidal behaviour doesn't acutely display but happens with a gradual withdrawal from socialising or standards at work. It's cancelling of plans or avoiding questions about how they are. It's taking less care of how they look etc.
To sum up, normalise the conversation &include the person in whatever you do.
Do it WITH them for them, not for them but against them or they won't engage with any support from you/others.
And remember; not everyone can be saved but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try
Do it WITH them for them, not for them but against them or they won't engage with any support from you/others.
And remember; not everyone can be saved but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try
