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I’ve managed to get this far without knowing anything about Harry Potter books or movies. My wife just put a potter film on for the kids. Do I...
23 hours left on this vote, that was an error as the film will be over in a couple of hours
So far a fat person flew into the sky and Daniel Radcliffe got on a bus with a bed in it
And there’s a decapitated tiny head driving the bus or something. Is this for children? Seems dark
That head is creepy af
Now Ian brown is reading a book... what?!
There’s a hairy book with eyes trying to eat Daniel Radcliffe
It’s ok Daniel murdered it in cold blood.
Lots of ginger people, Gary Oldman is alive in a poster. Bit weird
Julie Walters just put a rat on a train full of people. That’s not ok Julie.
The lights on the train went out and now it’s frosty inside. Must be East Midlands train I’m guessing
I don’t know how that scenario played out as my six year old did a massive fart. Mass hysteria.
They look old I don’t think this is the first movie. I think I just spotted Robbie Coltrane but he looks a bit like a bear
Are there generally loads of celebrities alive in paintings and pictures? A boy seems to be making elephant trumpets from his butt. I’m a bit lost
Apparently someone has “the grim”... is that a puberty thing? Robbie the bear is back. Needs a good wash. Appears to be a whole species of child eating books
wtf is that seagull horse thing?
safeguarding fail
safeguarding fail
my family just all rolled their eyes because i asked why they keep saying 'serious black'. My eldest assures me it's not funny. He's right I think, this is not an intentionally comedic film.
Alan Rickman is dressed as a scarecrow
terrifying clown, safeguarding fail
It has been suggested I should have a drink each time there is a serious safeguarding fail and honestly I think that might get me through this
Apologies if you're following the plot through me, I had to leave the room so i've missed a bit. Dawn French is hiding behind a pig in a painting
I miss Alan Rickman, even with Keanu Reeves hair
Alan Rickman needs some teacher training on basic AfL techniques and behaviour management techniques - specifically building positive relationships
they've just sent Daniel Radcliffe into space or something. Safeguarding fail
he fell off his broom. Classic lack of preparation for the field trip. No analysis of risks. Parents weren't called. Safeguarding FAIL ALAN.
Teacher appears to have gone deep into the woods alone with Daniel Radcliffe. *drinks*.
There's a lot of ginger people in this film. I need to fire my agent. Why wasn't I called?
a lollipop is floating around the screen... i haven't had that many safeguarding related drinks yet so... dunno on that one.
Robbie Coltrane in this film
Daniel Radcliffe is stood inside a plastic bag in front of some people and they are ignoring him for it. I would too to be fair. No use drawing attention to childish behaviour.
I just asked my family for an update on what the hell is going on. 12 year old:
"Harry wants to kill his Godfather because his Godfather wants to kill him"
I did not pick up on that. I thought this was about a mysterious white owl. I would make a rubbish detective.
"Harry wants to kill his Godfather because his Godfather wants to kill him"
I did not pick up on that. I thought this was about a mysterious white owl. I would make a rubbish detective.
groomy woods teacher is now doing late night tuition alone with Daniel, and has just unleashed a murderous monster to see if he can cope with it. I reckon that's like, 4 drinks.
there has been another fart but no-one is claiming it.
(it might have been me, it's hard to tell at my age). They won't read this so they'll never know.
Keanu RIckman is bullying Daniel in a dark corridor in the middle of the night. "Lower your wand" Daniel says... *pours a full glass*
has anyone discovered the primary colours in this film? It's all a bit of a Hovis advert palette.
Emma Thompson is here
she has an impressive voice trick, but i think she needs an inhaler.
Emma Watson just threatened a kid with a chopstick then punched him in the face. No teachers around. s_a_f_e_g_u_a_r_d_i_n_g
Gotta say, this safeguarding game is heavy going, but several drinks in, i think i'm enjoying this movie. The chickenhorse just got its head chopped off. No idea why.
oh look it's Gary Oldman with what looks to be a gangster grill. I like Gary Oldman. He's very shouty.
Wait, the train rat is part of the plot?? Gangsta Gary is trying to stab it with a chopstick
And the rat is now Timothy Spall. I mean, of course... (i have no idea what is going on). Which one is the godfather my lad was talking about??
Timothy Spall is a mess. Settle down man, take your time, compose yourself, have some dignity. Waaaaait.... what's this...
Expellyjimjams. Someones head just shrank and fell off or something.
An American Werewolf in Hogwarts.
WILL SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!
(no, nobody will think of them).
Harry keeps shouting 'SERIOUS' in Gary's face.
faces are kind of melting now. M'kay. Some kind of crossover with the ringwreaths from Lord of the Rings going on.
wife is yelling 'BE QUIET YOU ALWAYS DO THIS IN THE LAST TWENTY MINUTES OF A MOVIE' - I don't think that's at me, but at least I know the estimated time left.
eldest has been asked to leave the room for making farting sounds but not actually farting. Late drama here in the Southall household.
"Armani would you please tell me what it is that we're doing?!"
Yes Armani please do, for me.
Yes Armani please do, for me.
what was the whole wolves thing? Was that resolved?
they appear to have shrunk to the size of pumpkins.
and replicated themselves somehow. THis is a tad confusing.
CHICKENHORSE IS BACK
storyarc totally works for chickenhorse. At first i was like "EW FREAK" but now im like 'AW, YOU ALIVE!!'
uh oh the wolves thing was *not* resolved. And Emma Watson just awooooooo'd to get them to come to her. Can't imagine even a dumb wolf would fall for that unconvincing awooooo but what do i know
oooh ok there's a back to the future thing going on here. Daniel is Marty and Emma is like, Biff maybe. Daniel just yelled 'expect us, petrol nob' or something, and now they're flying like in the neverending story
