Since this is getting a slew of bullsh!t replies, I'm going to go ahead and do a nice ol' thread on this one.

Namely, folks stating that these are "bad boundaries" for a therapist to have/the concept of relating to your therapist as a friend.

https://twitter.com/literElly/status/1352455055719469057

For starters, let's talk about cultural competence. Queer therapists know that there is a lot of community overlap between themselves and their clients. And this is often a conversation clients/clinicians will have upfront, talking about boundaries and comfort levels.

My last therapist (a queer trans man) and I had to have this conversation very early, because he'd read my blog before and we had mutual connections. We had to negotiate where the lines were and how we would interact if we encountered each other in shared spaces.

There's this ridiculous idea that therapists are supposed to be blank slates for their clients, and exist in some precious bubble away from community and society. That is a very specific modality and approach, and it does not work for everyone.

Community solidarity can be a HEALING dynamic to bring to a therapeutic relationship, if it's negotiated and welcomed. It is abundantly clear from Elly's tweet that this is the case. Their dynamic is playful and built in a strong solidarity around cultural and community overlap.

This old school mentality, that therapists aren't supposed to be human, emotionally accessible, or relatable? That is bullshit. Relational healing is a real phenomenon, and a trained therapist will know when self-disclosure benefits the client and when it won't.

Self-disclosure, esp for traumatized queer folks, is actually crucial for building trust + safety. Emotional accessibility and shared humanity can be key ingredients for a healing relationship.

The client and clinician get to decide that. Not strangers on the internet.

Speaking from experience, my last therapist was my "gay dad." That's what I jokingly called him. That's the vibe he brought to this work, and it made me feel safe and supported. We did incredible work together, on a foundation of trust and *consent.*

Therapy works best when there is a shared sense of safety and trust. And each client will have different needs for how this safety and trust is established. What works for you won't work for someone else, because our avenues to safety look different based on culture/upbringing.

You! Don't! Get! To! Decide! What makes someone feel SAFE. Including and especially in a therapist/client relationship.

A model that I think is interesting to consider here is what therapist Jake Ernst calls "Routes to Safety."

Specifically, "common humanity" can be crucial for marginalized folks who have existed on the margins of society for much of their lives. https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/routes-of-safety-model

Elly's therapist was doing her job. How? She was attuned to what her client responds to (humor, shared humanity, cultural competence, self-disclosure) as a way of deepening trust and connection.

If that doesn't work for you? Good! Your therapist's job is to assess what does.

Queer humor, community ties, cultural competence, self-disclosure: These are all therapeutic tools and a way that a therapist can communicate, "You are safe here. You are understood. I see you."

That is fucking powerful and awesome.

When queer and trans folks spend a LIFETIME being alienated by the oppressive culture and people around them, fuck anyone who says that a therapist should be a ~blank slate~ instead of owning what is shared and doing rich, supportive healing work together.

The fact that Elly shared a positive, hilarious therapeutic experience, and folks thought it was an opportunity to quote-tweet and dunk on that work, shows a total lack of respect and empathy.

Moreover, it shows a complete lack of understanding around differing therapeutic modalities and strategies around self-disclosure.

But y'all were not terribly concerned about that to begin with, so.

Anyway, I'm going to wrap this thread up by sharing a photo of my old therapist, holding a lizard puppet, and reminding me to eat more food. Because therapists are badass human beings and SOMETIMES THEY HAVE LIZARD PUPPETS. DEAL WITH IT